DoorDash – Life In A Word

Soon To Be Crumbs

Fall has arrived around here, even if Mother Nature is reluctant to usher in a new season. Our temperatures will be summerlike for another day or two. Regardless, autumn always brings baking to the forefront of my to-do list. I’ve already cranked out a breakfast pizza (three cheeses!), I’m sure to serve up a pumpkin pie before Halloween, and just this morning I whipped up three dozen gingerbread cookies. But whenever I bake cookies I always find myself thinking, “Should I have just gone to Crumbl instead?”

You know Crumbl, or some other cookie chain just like it. For ten years running Crumbl has tempted impulse buyers with their overly-large, overly-sweet, overly-everything baked goods. Crumbl cookies are so big they’ll sell you a small device much like a pizza cutter so you can share a cookie with friends. But let’s be real – if you’re spending as much on a Crumbl cookie as you would a Starbucks latte are you really gonna share? No, you’ll probably down the entire cookie within thirty minutes of purchase, your only regret arriving somewhere during digestion.

Now for something even harder to digest: Crumbl is on its way out. The clock is close to striking midnight on a company that somehow convinced us five dollars was a reasonable price for a cookie. They’re closing stores in big numbers. Despite the contraction I don’t think Crumbl’s demise is a symptom of the cost of living as much as it is all of us finally emerging from our sugar comas and declaring, “Enough is enough”.

It took me awhile to give Crumbl a try. When we lived in Colorado they opened a store next door to one of our favorite restaurants. For a long time we wondered what the fuss was all about. Then one day we skipped the dessert menu and decided to give the cookies a try. We bought four (for twenty dollars). If I’m being honest they were just okay. Some choices worked (frosted sugar cookie with raspberry jam – yum!) while others didn’t measure up (standard chocolate chip – meh).

Honestly what I remember most about Crumbl was not the cookies, but rather the wait in line to order. While I did I watched the nearby people waiting at the pick-up counter. It didn’t take long to realize most of them were DoorDash drivers, delivering cookies to the college dorms a ten-minute walk from the store. So not only were those students paying big for big cookies, they paid to have them delivered when they could’ve walked off a few of the calories themselves. Can I get a What’s wrong with Americans?

Our daughter embraced the Crumbl craze when she got married in 2022. She ordered two hundred of their “minis”, wrapped them individually in elegant boxes, and placed them next to the dinner plate of each guest at the reception. When the party was over we discovered at least half of the cookies left behind. Perhaps the beginning of Crumbl’s end actually started years ago.

Side note: If you place an order through Crumbl’s website the first decision you’ll have to make is whether to “reject non-essential or accept all cookies”. How appropriate 🙂

Just this week Crumbl announced the closure of seventy-five stores and significant layoffs at its Utah headquarters. The critics are blaming the cutbacks on the failed promotion of “dirty sodas”, another Utah-based product (popular with Mormons and their non-alcoholic ways). I don’t buy it, even though I wouldn’t buy a dirty soda either. I just think we’ve reached our tolerance for high-priced cookies and have moved on to the next comfort-food indulgence trend (like the gelato I wrote about several weeks ago.

The Crumbl store we have here in our small town opened just over a year ago, in the same shopping center as a popular supermarket. People go in an out of the supermarket by the dozens, but I have yet to see any of them wander down the sidewalk to Crumbl. It’s a sad sight when you drive by the storefront: the lone cashier standing behind the counter waiting for anyone to buy a big cookie. Even sadder, it won’t be long before her manager asks her to go into the lobby and lock the front door – for good.

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LEGO Neuschwanstein Castle – Update #10 (read about the start of this project in Fit for a (Fairy Tale) King

The castle is complete at last, even if the surrounding landscape is not. Bags 19 and 20 (of 23 bags of pieces) focused almost entirely on the completion of the western palas (one of two residential buildings). Not only is this structure much taller than I expected but it’s topped by an intricate roof that consumed a good portion of Bag 20. Dozens of pieces went into the black top of the building you see below.

I also felt like I was building a couple of rocket ships today. Neuschwanstein’s tall, dramatic stair towers start out as long plastic LEGO dowels, onto which you spin circular piece after circular piece. Finally you set the whole assembly upright and snap it into the surrounding castle. Two of Neuschwanstein’s stair towers are located intentionally where the terrain of the ridge below takes a bit of a turn; a very “castle” look.

Sometimes LEGO pieces have a hard time mimicking the small details of a structure. The western palas claims to have “a copper lion atop the court-side gable, while a knight’s likeness is on the outward facing gable, offering a protective touch to the castle.” The knight is up there on the rooftop all right but I didn’t find a “copper lion” anywhere in the bags (let alone in my pile of leftovers).

Hard to fit all of Neuschwanstein into one photo!

The very last step in today’s build was to add thirty-two tree trunks to the landscape. That’s a lot of logs. You have to zoom in on the photo above to see these tiny brown poles but tune in next week, because in a flourish of a finish, we’ll use the final three bags of pieces to top them off with bursts of color.

Running build time: 10:55

Total leftover pieces: 65 (including 2 tree trunks!)

Accompanying movie soundtrack: Pride & Prejudice (2005). Today’s choice was something of an experiment. Pride & Prejudice shows up regularly on “elegant soundtrack” lists but I’ve never seen the movie (let alone read anything by Jane Austen). So I figured, maybe the music will have me wanting to watch the film. The soundtrack includes several classical-sounding piano solos, probably tied to slow, dramatic scenes. You also get a few instances of lively fiddle-playing, probably connected to formal dance scenes. But for the most part the soundtrack had me imagining moments where the camera dwells on a character’s face, and their expression says it all. Will I watch Pride & Prejudice? I just might. After all, any movie that dwells on Kiera Knightley is worth the watch.

Some content sourced from the bonappétit.com article, “The End of Cookie Chains”, and the ksl.com article, “Utah-based Crumbl closes dozens of locations…”.

Not-So-Fast Food

If you’re like me, you’re prepping meals at home more often than you used to. Your grocery lists are electronic or paper instead of in your head. You may even be meal-planning and on your way to becoming America’s next gourmet chef. But no matter the approach eventually you succumb to food out instead of food in. “Taking away” meals these days means navigating an app, a website, a drive-thru, a phone call, or for the really daring, an unscheduled appearance at the front doors. You never know which approach works until you try a couple. Sometimes you simply give up.

Case in point. Last Friday we took my wife’s truck for a service – scheduled just after sun-up. Leaving the house so early meant breakfast would be out instead of in. My first thought? McDonald’s. An Egg McMuffin is still a pretty good on-the-go breakfast, and navigating McDonald’s hasn’t changed (drive thru, pay at the window, drive away, enjoy). I also admit to a soft spot for the Golden Arches because I worked there in high school.

My wife had other ideas. Since a breakfast sandwich was the order of the day she wanted Einstein Brothers Bagels, and with good reason. Einstein’s offers a choice of five “classic” breakfast sandwiches and another seven “signature” specials: twelve different spins on bagels and eggs. While Egg McMuffins are assembled from just four mass-produced ingredients, Einstein’s creations are made-to-order adventures with options like chorizo, avocado, spinach, and mushrooms. If the choice is Einstein’s or McDonald’s it’s a no-brainer. Except now.

Not knowing Einstein’s take-away approach during COVID, I parked in front of the restaurant while my wife went inside to place the order. Nope. Einstein’s allows two options: DoorDash or order from the app. Well blast my bagels – DoorDash doesn’t even deliver to our neighborhood so it was either the app or go hungry. Fine. A quick download and I went in search of the “Order” button. Nope. Einstein’s wants an account first – phone number, email, birthday, credit card, and so on. Fine. At last we assembled our on-line order and I went in search of the “Pay” button. Nope. Einstein’s makes you bank a minimum balance first (and welcome to “Shmear Society Rewards”). Really? A cash reserve for a breakfast sandwich? Once and for all, nope. I X’d out of the app, deleted it from my phone, and left a skid mark or two as I accelerated away.

McDonald’s was also on the way home, a couple miles up the road. We didn’t have their app either but so what? Order at the drive-thru, pay at the window, drive away with an Egg McMuffin, enjoy. We even splurged on hash browns (and an order of breakfast sausage for the dog). A McDonald’s breakfast for two people and a pet costs far less than a similar order at Einstein’s. Was my Egg McMuffin forgettable? Yes. Did I consume my sandwich within minutes of leaving the restaurant? Yes (today’s Egg McMuffin is smaller than your palm). Did I wish I’d had a custom-made Einstein’s instead? Of course. But not if I must jump through a bunch of electronic hoops to get one.

I want to support restaurants through the COVID pandemic; I really do. Our favorite Mexican place has nothing electronic, so you just place a phone order and take-away fifteen minutes later. Our favorite coffeehouse is a converted bank, so it’s drive-thru, pay, and go, lickety-split. That’s all I’m asking for: simple process, no hoops.

Einstein’s theory of relativity assumes accelerated motion (say, a car pulling away from a restaurant with an order of food). Einstein’s Bagels requires decelerated motion (say, the unanticipated time to download, setup, and bank-load their app). Take your pick: Einstein’s approach or Einstein Brothers’ approach? For me, it’s Albert’s way every time.

Supply Chain Reaction

My neighbor to the north – the one with a mansion lording over the rest of the hood from the highest point around – hosts equestrian events on weekends. Whether reining or cutting competitions, or “quaint” social gatherings, his barn and surrounds burst with dozens of horses and riders just about every Saturday. His property is large enough we’re pretty far removed from the hubbub, except the convoy of horse trailers and trucks barreling down the street beforehand. The wheels rumbling over the washboardy dirt road and balloons of dust floating high overhead are hard to ignore.

Maybe you don’t have a parade of horse trailers in your neighborhood (or a washboardy road), but guess what? You do have a procession of vehicles making their way to your driveway, and the list of participants is growing. Home delivery is the latest block party where everybody seems to have an invite.

In the 1970’s the only vehicles coming up our driveway were the red, white, and blue jeeps of the United States Post Office (USPS) or the brown, boxy trucks of the United Parcel Service (UPS). Then Federal Express vans (FedEx) joined in with a little purple and green, while DHL (the initials of the three founders’ last names) added a healthy dollop of yellow. Taste the rainbow!

That’s a pretty good line-up right there, but in the last decade or so home delivery (or “last mile delivery”, to use the trendier term) picked up several more players. Amazon (black vans with a blue “swoosh” on the side) and WalMart (several colors) extended their supply chain by adding home delivery trucks. Your pizza guy has been joined by restaurant delivery of all kinds, like DoorDash, Grubhub, and UberEats. AmazonFresh is competing with your local grocery store to make sure you consider home delivery of products from Whole Foods.

Here are a few of the more “colorful” entries coming soon to a driveway near you:

Postmates – Pizza, prescriptions, shoes, and tech products, just to name a few Postmates delivery favorites. What makes Postmates unique? They’re not affiliated with any business or product line. If you need it, they’ll find it.
LuggageForward – Boasts “doorstep pickup”, so all you worry about is transporting you from your home to your travel destination. LuggageForward guarantees your bags arrive before you do, and their “shipping experts” track your items every step of the way.
Piggybee – Just like LuggageForward, except you’re entrusting your luggage or other item to a random person who happens to be traveling to your destination anyway. Sounds a little dicey, but isn’t the name great?
Entrusters – The opposite of Piggybee, but the same concept. You find something you want to buy in a distant locale, and the random person who happens to be traveling to your city brings it to you.
goPuff – A “convenience store caterer”, tempting you with products like that pint of Ben & Jerry’s you don’t really need. Perfect for college students? Yes, and the company was started by college students. “goPuff”? No clue.
Drizly – Not only wine, beer, and liquor to your door inside of an hour, but also all the mixers, garnishes, and supplies you need to make your party tipsy. Hopefully you’re not the only one at the party. Hopefully your Drizly driver doesn’t partake in whatever he or she delivers.
Stitch Fix – A competitor to Nordstrom’s Trunk Club, Stitch Fix offers a stylist and all the designer clothes you could ever want. Try them on and keep ’em or return ’em within three days. Might as well close the doors on your local shopping mall.
Washio – Just what you would guess: home-delivery wash, dry, and dry-cleaning of your wardrobe. Your hamper just moved to the front door! Washio’s “ninjas” pick up and drop off inside of 24 hours, and even leave a cookie on top of the clean-clothes bag. Sadly, Washio lasted less than three years; it’s founders claiming, “sometimes you make it, sometimes you don’t”.

As we speak, many of these deliverers are hopping the fence into each other’s domains. Postmates is test-marketing convenience store items in New York City, sourcing from 150+ Walgreens and Duane Reades. Doordash is trying out same-day grocery delivery in 22 states. AmazonFresh distinguishes itself as food delivery with its lime-green (not black) vans.

With so many entrants in the home delivery circus, it’s fair to say the concept is still in its infancy. We’ll need several years to see who and what will ultimately come out in the wash (clearly, not Washio). But mark my words, you can always count on someone to rain on the parade. Amazon is already experimenting with “Prime Air”, a drone-service. In other words, home delivery may be a little less grounded in the future.

Some content sourced from the 10/2/19 Wall Street Journal article, “Postmates, DoorDash Want to Deliver Your Groceries, Too”.

Hot Little Numbers

Yesterday, I became reacquainted with “hack” – a harsh bit of a word. On the one hand, hack is when you take big chops into a tree with your ax. Nothing wrong with that. Hack is also whether you can cope with a given situation (i.e. “can you hack it?”). Nothing wrong with that either. But then again, hack is uncontrollable coughing caused by a bad cold. Or even worse, hack is breaking into a computer or account, with not-so-nice intentions.

I experienced not-so-nice hack yesterday. My wife and I are waging war with a cold we’ve had since Easter. Together we’re coughing up a storm (sounds of thunder). More to the subject at hand, our bank left a tidy little message on our answering machine last night. “…do we have reason to suspect fraudulent charges on our Visa card?” So, I logged onto our account and scrolled down to the last couple of days of activity. There the little devils hid – six small charges, all for the food-delivery service “DoorDash“.

Have I ever used DoorDash? (No.) Do I even know what DoorDash is? (I do now.) I have no use for DoorDash, nor them for me. We live in the country; wide, open spaces in every direction. The only way we get pizza delivery is to agree to meet the driver halfway. The only way we get trash service is to pay “fuel surcharges” on top of the monthly bill. We’re too far out for DoorDash. Just for grins, I entered our address into DoorDash’s website and up popped my options. Cool! For thirty days I get free service on delivery orders above $10. Not cool – I have zero nearby restaurants offering DoorDash. Guess its pizza for dinner again tonight.

Data Source: FTC Consumer Sentinel Network Data Book 2016

But I digress. Back to the hack. To my bank’s “credit”, they handle minor fraud efficiently. They noticed the hack before I did (bless their computer algorithms). Once I called back and denied any knowledge of DoorDash, they blocked my card and promptly dropped a new one into the mail. A few days from now, I’ll be off and charging again, the only real inconvenience being to update my linked accounts.

I wish I could leave it at that. After all, this incident won’t cost me a penny. Those who pay annual fees and interest charges unknowingly pay the cost of credit card fraud as well ($40 billion every year). I just can’t get past the fact someone out there enjoyed six free DoorDash deliveries courtesy of my credit.

The scammers are winning this game hands-down. A physical credit card allows crazy-easy access to its critical information. Take your pick as you regularly surrender your data: 1) through your phone, 2) through your computer, 3) through self-service devices (i.e. gas pump, ATM), and 4) by simply handing over your card at a place of business.

Left: actual card slot. Right: Skimmer data-collection “cover”.

My DoorDash friend picked up my numbers through one of the last two ways – I’m sure of it. I never give out my credit card over the phone, and the websites I use have some form of verifiable security. Alas, self-service devices and handing over cards are no-win situations. With the former, you encounter skimmers (discrete data-collection devices placed over card readers). With the latter, you risk the merchant or waitstaff copying your numbers when out of sight. They probably use a skimmer as well.

The only real solution to credit card fraud – sad to say – is not using the card at all. Pay for your gas with cash. Write a check for the cash you would’ve taken out of the ATM. Technology is improving the situation (i.e. Apple Pay, table-side pay systems), but until these approaches become the norm, you’ll continue to deal with situations where your card goes out-of-sight.

Frankly, I’m not asking for much here. All I want is my bank to collar my DoorDash friend and let me know he/she faces the consequences of their actions. But I know my little scammer is not worth their time. Instead, he/she keeps getting free food, and annual fees and interest rates tick up a little bit more.

My brand new Visa card arrives later in the week. I’ll activate it and update my linked accounts. The inconvenience to me amounts to less than thirty minutes. But the annoyance of it all – well – that feeling lasts a whole lot longer. I just hope, by the time DoorDash gets to my neighborhood, I’m no longer perturbed and willing to give it a try.

Hope they’ll take cash.

Some content sourced from the March 2019 Upgraded Points article, “The Best Ways to Prevent Credit Card Fraud & Theft”.