In the last day or two, an article surfaced in my newsfeed suggesting coffee and alcohol better your chances of living past 90. Hello. Now that’s a little something worth reading! VinePair’s version of the report (“VinePair is the fastest growing media company delivering accessible, entertaining, and inspiring content about drinks and the experiences you have with a glass in hand.”) covers the critical details in a pleasantly short read.
Bless the research grants bestowed upon the University of California at Irvine (Go Anteaters!). The Ants have been studying “oldest-old” humans for the past fifteen years and have come up with the following buzz + booze conclusion: those who consumed moderate amounts of coffee and alcohol lived longer than those who did not. “Those who did not” were labeled as “having abstained“. Nasty word, abstained.
U.C. Irvine’s study is music to my favorite appliances: the coffeemaker and the wine cooler. No doubt my habits are mirrored by millions of others – start the day with a cup of coffee and end the day with a glass of wine. And because I do, Irvine says I up my chances of living past 90? Bacchus must be smiling down on me (and is there a god of coffee to keep him company?) I think I’ll celebrate by hiring a personal barista and sommelier.
In the spirit of VinePair’s efficient reporting (150 words!), let’s cut to the chase. Why have coffee early and alcohol late when you can have both in the same cup at the same time? What a perfect excuse to start the morning with, say, a Bailey’s Irish Cream Coffee! (coffee, 1.5 shots of Bailey’s, whipped cream, and cinnamon). Or even better, a Mexican Coffee! (0.75 shot Kahlua and 0.75 shot Tequila). Or best, a Millionaire’s Coffee! (equal parts Bailey’s, Kahlua, and Frangelico – you decide how strong). The coffee-alcohol combos are endless.
By vicious coincidence, the same day I read the VinePair article I received a newsletter from my health club. To kick off the New Year on the right foot, my club chose to “debunk” common nutrition advice. First, they recommended an 80/20 approach to radical diets instead of “all-in”. Second, they said weighing myself every day puts too much emphasis on what is likely the wrong indicator of better health. Third, I shouldn’t pretend I don’t need vitamins no matter how healthy I eat. Fourth, I shouldn’t toil endlessly at the gym as if I can outwork a bad diet. (Wait, so my health club is telling me to work out less?) Finally, they said I need to make nice with carbs again, favoring the complex over the simple. That’s a list of only five items, but it reads like it’s built on a significant amount of research, while studying the habits of countless people. Way too complicated for my taste. “My taste” would rather focus on coffee and alcohol.
To add a little cream and sugar to the study, U.C. Irvine reached another conclusion with the “oldest-old”. The overweight lived longer than the underweight. Wait, what? If I want to live well into my 90’s, I should drink and eat in excess? Well tickle me pink – and pass the whipped cream while you’re at it.
In the meantime, I’ve converted this welcome research into a superb business idea. Save the trip to the patent office because I beat you to it. Coming soon to a store near you: liqueur-infused espresso beans. And yet, as soon as I come up with the idea, I find out it’s already out there (has been for years).
I’m guessing Stumptown Coffee Roasters doesn’t have a retirement plan. Their employees probably live forever.