Mighty Fine Print

Whenever a season of sports comes down to the last couple of teams, I pay extra attention whether it’s the Super Bowl, the World Series, or college basketball’s March Madness. A championship is the culmination of an entire season, so the final game puts the stakes at their highest. Just last week I made it to the finals of a competition myself. The thing is, I didn’t even know I was playing.

“I win!”

We’ve all received one of these flyers at one time or another, haven’t we?  A bold, colorful announcement suggesting we’ve won something big.  In this case, a Viking River Cruise (red capital letters, top left) suggests a tapped mailing list because I’ve cruised with Viking twice.  Regardless, this flyer almost went into the trash before I read some all of the fine print.  And I must say, whoever came up with the nuts/bolts of this particular contest deserves the Academy Award for Best Producer.

To begin with, notice the element labeled “Combination Box”.  This little device is ingenious for two reasons.  First, it stretches the envelope the flyer came in beyond a flat piece of paper, tempting the recipient to wonder what’s in there?  And second, the device is “activated” by pulling a tab to reveal the “5-digit VIN number” you see here.  Then you scratch off the gold circle further down the page to reveal another 5-digit number and – “how about that?” – they’re the same number, which makes me a “Grand Prize Winner”.

The flyer also contains utterly random stuff that has no bearing whatsoever on the contest.  I am “cordially invited to ‘The Great America Cruising Expo'” (a fictitious event).  Just below the black box is a “VIP Winning Number 5508738” (also useless).  Finally, when I call the toll-free number at the bottom (which, to be clear, I will never call), I’m supposed to mention “Code AKSC”.  Pretty sure anyone could call the toll-free number, mention the code, and discover they’re also a “Grand Prize Winner”.

Now for the good stuff.  Here’s the lower right corner of the flyer.  Call Within 48 Hours…?  Within 48 hours of what, exactly?  How do they know I’m calling within 48 hours of anything?  More importantly, look at the four “gifts” below; one of which is apparently mine.  Take a guess – which trip do you think I won?

Credit to the contest producers; I guessed wrong.  I would’ve thought the 7-Night Resort Stay at Worldwide Destinations was my prize.  After all, how much vaguer can a trip description be?  If I called the toll-free number they’d probably go, “Yes you won but you can only take the trip on these 7 nights”.  And “worldwide destination” technically means anywhere in the world so maybe I’ve won seven nights in the middle of Iowa.

In fact, the prize I “won” is the Caribbean Cruise for Two for Up to 7 Nights.  The more I think about it, that one makes more sense.  Any ship in Caribbean waters could be considered a “cruise” (even a foreign freighter with an empty cargo hold).  “Up to 7 nights” could mean just two nights or even an overnight.  And however I actually get to this cruise ship is on my own dime.

Mighty fine print

The pièce de résistance is on the back of the flyer: the fine print.  The five hundred words you see above include the odds of winning (which is how I know I won the Caribbean cruise).  Out of every 2,000,000 mailed flyers, 1,999,997 will win the Caribbean cruise, while just three people will win the three trips of any real value.  In other words, one person wins a free Viking River Cruise.  Okay, enough already; now this flyer goes into the trash, where it should’ve gone in the first place.

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LEGO Neuschwanstein Castle – Update #2 (read about the start of this project in Fit for a (Fairy Tale) King)

We continued to move mountains this week (as expected) but I was delighted to see bits of the castle starting to rise up already.  Apparently I need to bring in cranes in addition to my earth-moving equipment.  Bags 3 and 4 (of 23 bags of pieces) contained a lot of tiny, interesting, colorful bits.  I had to be careful those little guys didn’t run down the mountains and try to escape.

For the first time in a half-dozen models I’m here to tell you… LEGO left out a piece.  They really did.  If you look at this step in the process (and yes, I’m already through 50+ steps), that little two-dot middle-row-right was AWOL.  I checked the bags a dozen times thinking he was still in there.  I scanned the piles of parts another dozen times.  No two-dot.  Maybe he’ll show up in another bag further into the build but by then it’ll be too late.  The good news is, his location is buried inside the mountains and is not structural.  You will never see the small cavity created by his absence.

Tiny, interesting, colorful bits

What you see in the first photo is only about half the size of the completed model.  It will be a full rectangle of Bavarian Alps when it’s done.  Of course, by then you won’t even notice all the earthmoving I’ve accomplished, because Neuschwanstein Castle will utterly lord over the (LEGO) land.

Running build time: 1:52.

Total leftover pieces: 17.

Accompanying movie soundtrack: Leap Year (2010).  I could use the excuse of the lovely Amy Adams to justify this favorite, but this so-so rom-com came out when she was hardly a name.  However, Randy Edelman’s score is wonderful. It’s so much larger than the movie itself.  “Anna’s Theme” – which the score returns to again and again – is a calming tune using a lot of piano and guitar.  Elsewhere traditional Irish instruments make their inevitable appearance.  Maybe the movie is forgettable but the music most definitely is not.  Have a listen here.

Note: Life In A Word will be taking a vacation break for the next few weeks.  Join me for the next chapter of the castle construction on August 20th!

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Author: Dave

Five hundred posts would suggest I have something to say… This blog was born from a desire to elevate the English language, highlighting eloquent words from days gone by. The stories I share are snippets of life itself, and each comes with a bonus: a dusted-off word I hope you’ll go on to use more often. Read “Deutschland-ish Improvements” to learn about my backyard European wish list. Try “Slush Fun” for the throwback years of the 7-Eleven convenience store. Or drink in "Iced Coffee" to discover the plight of the rural French cafe. On the lighter side, read "Late Night Racquet Sports" for my adventures with our latest moth invasion. As Walt Whitman said, “That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” Here then, my verse. Welcome to Life In A Word.

25 thoughts on “Mighty Fine Print”

    1. If you like light, goofy rom-com’s, “Leap Year” might be for you. But Amy Adams (and Matthew Goode) has certainly had more Oscar-worthy roles 🙂

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      2. GOOD question, Ilsa. How does Viking (or whomever is behind the free Viking Cruise) recoup the cost of the giveaway? Maybe the mailers get a few more customers to pay “full boat” (ha) which then offsets the one cruise they give away. Or maybe the people who win these free cruises end up cruising again (where they wouldn’t have in the first place), and again you get the offset. Whatever the answer – you’re right – there’s nothing free about this bait-and-switch tactic.

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  4. I’ve been on a couple of Viking cruises. They send me daily marketing brochures — never a contest. They’re hoping I still have money in my checking account.

    Great progress on the mountain. I was wondering how they’d do that.

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    1. For all of the money Viking has spent on the postcards, catalogs, and brochures I’ve received, they could’ve given me a free cruise instead!

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    1. Of lesser significance, I caught two errors in the step-by-step drawings in the instruction manual. LEGO is slipping! They must’ve turned the production over to AI 😉

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  6. Very deceiving indeed! Dave, I have never won anything in my life, for myself anyway. I once entered my boss in a contest for an all-expenses paid ski trip to Vail, Colorado. My mom listened to WJR Talk Radio and they had a promotion for “Boss of the Year” and all you had to do was submit the name of your boss on a postcard. I really liked my attorney boss Ed a lot, so I mailed one postcard into the station, but didn’t tell him, thinking “this will never happen, but what the heck!” Ed was on the phone a few weeks later when WJR’s promotion department called and I took the call. I couldn’t believe it. I was excited and she said “unbelievably, with all the entrants, he won twice, as we put the postcard back in the bin after drawing the big prize and drew again, so Ed won second prize too, a pair of Rossignol skis!” He finally got done with his phone call and I put her through to him, then I stood at the door and heard “you’re kidding” twice. Ed and his wife had a wonderful trip and they didn’t pay a thing, did not have to wear WJR swag and he had been skiing in the past, but never owned skis. So yes, some contests come without strings attached! Some of the attorneys at our office had formed a lottery club and for a long time, they included me in the club if I would go buy the weekly lottery tickets … they thought I had some kind of magical powers, but we never won!

    It looks like you are really moving mountains. I hope you don’t lose your touch while on vacation. Enjoy!

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    1. Ah, it’s nice to read about a decent contest, Linda, as well as a satisfied winner. As I said, I have no intention of calling the toll-free number on that flyer (which is now buried in the trash). This contest “win” has all the signs of a bait-and-switch.

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      1. Yes, Ed said afterward there were no gimmicks and they were treated very well. It was quite the experience for them. They had four teenagers at the time (triplet girls and a boy) and so they’d been so busy with the kids’ activities, sports and Girl Scouts mostly, they’d never had a real vacation for all of them, let alone just the two of them. The kids stayed with their grandparents during Winter break.

        There are too many bait-and-switch contests and too many times they require a purchase to even be considered. Circular file for all of that mail.

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  7. The 1,999,997-out-of-2,000,000 odds might be the most honest line on the entire flyer — a genuine masterclass in reverse-engineering a scam. I actually laughed out loud at “seven nights in the middle of Iowa.” And building LEGO Neuschwanstein while the real one waits in Bavaria is wonderful; we dragged our crew to the actual castle a while back and it truly does lord over the land, missing two-dot piece and all. Enjoy the vacation break!

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    1. I’ll get to the real Neuschwanstein some day, God willing, but it won’t be via a Viking Cruise. As for Iowa, I haven’t spent much time there, so who’s to say a seven-night stay wouldn’t actually be a good time? 🙂

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  8. I wonder if Viking cruise lines are aware of these scams? While this one is obviously a scam, some of them look so realistic, especially on Facebook, that anyone could be fooled. If the missing piece was a crucial one is there a Lego hot line you can call for a replacement? Have a good vacation! I hope the weather is good.

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    1. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn LEGO would go to the trouble of replacing a missing piece free of charge. As I said in the post, the part of the castle where it belongs is already closed in, so no one will even know it’s missing. But as my sister-in-law reminded me, “YOU will know, Dave”. If that thought keeps me up at night, maybe I really will pursue the hotline 🙂

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  9. Very disappointing that Viking would stoop to such tactics. We’ve never been on one of their cruises, but friends and family members have. I’ve always enjoyed dreaming through their brochures, though. But with the shenanigans of a fake contest, I’ve lost interest! / Glad that missing Lego piece didn’t stall construction of your castle, Dave. Must say, kudos for persevering through the construction of that mammoth mountain-foundation!

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    1. In Viking’s defense I think the contest was sponsored by a third party. So sad to read about the low levels of the Danube River however. It really is a unique, first class experience witnessing everything the Rhine and Danube shores have to offer from the comfort of a “floating hotel”. We’d cruise again with them in a heartbeat.

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  10. Out of 2,000,000 mailings, 1,999,997 people won the same prize. That’s not a contest. That’s a hustle wearing a sequined jacket.
    You saw it. Most people don’t read that fine print. That’s the whole game. 💙

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