Keeping Score at the Grocery Store

In the chaos of the supermarket a few days before Christmas, milk, eggnog, and a package of those Li’l Smokies sausages fell into our shopping cart. These items don’t usually find their way into our frig but the year-end holiday meals somehow demanded them. If the market wasn’t so frantic I would’ve also whipped out my phone to see if these purchases deserved my dollars. After all, just about everything we use in the kitchen (and bathroom) these days has a little numeric value lurking just below the surface.

Nacho Cheese Doritos are now a “5” in my world.  You might say pretty good! until I tell you that’s on a scale of 1-100.  But let’s say you choose Blue Diamond’s Almond Nut-Thin Crackers instead.  The number skyrockets to 84.  A roll of Wint-O-Green Life Savers earns a 28 while a box of Tic Tac Freshmints doubles the number.  Nature Valley Granola Bars? 51. Heinz Ketchup? 33.  And in the ultimate insult to products considered “food”, perfectly round Nabisco Oreos earn a perfectly round 0/100.

What’s with all the tallying, you ask?  The numbers are simply the output of a little smartphone app called Yuka, which joined my personal parade of subscriptions last May.  In the words of its young French founders (Julie, and brothers Francois and Benoît), Yuka “deciphers product labels and analyzes the health benefits of foods and cosmetics”.  Plain English: Scan the barcode of anything in the supermarket and Yuka tells you whether to buy it or not.

Candidly, it wasn’t the numbers that sold me on Yuka.  Rather it’s this: the app is completely ad-free because brands cannot pay Yuka to advertise their products.  In other words, the numerical ratings I’ve shared are generated objectively, using common perceptions of the health benefits of ingredients.  Yuka has rocked the small space known as my kitchen pantry.

Never is this overhaul more evident than with “cosmetics”, Yuka’s catch-all for everything you find in the bathroom.  In the last eight months I’ve swapped out my deodorant, mouthwash, shaving cream, shampoo, and face wash for items with better Yuka numbers.  Five products I used every day and purchased for years just went flying off my medicine cabinet shelves, replaced by other products that are healthier on and in me (including Aveeno’s facial cleanser, which earns a perfect 100).

Yuka (the name is a nod to Yucatán) is about more than scan-and-score.  You can also simply search on products, mining a database of five million entries.  Even if a product isn’t in the database you can enter the ingredients from the label and Yuka will give it a number.  And if that number is lousy (like it is for your Oreos or my L’il Smokies) Yuka will point you to a list of alternatives with better numbers.  Again, Yuka doesn’t recommend one product over another; it just presents the numbers for you to consider.

In a nod to the healthy habits of Europeans (who favor fresh foods), Yuka’s founders realized its app was most popular in America, where we are so fond of packaged products.  So they packed up their French offices and French families and moved to the middle of Manhattan – temporarily – to better connect with their target audience.  Eventually they’ll head back home but not before Yuka is sure to land on the smartphones of millions of Americans.

Here’s one more aspect of Yuka I appreciate: the founders take time to communicate with their users.  In the eight months I’ve subscribed, they’ve sent me twelve emails with interesting articles about healthy eating, healthy “cosmetics”, and the entertaining evolution of their little company (which includes a dog as an employee).  They also sent me a fun video of their first few days in New York City.  And just last week I received a year-end recap of my app use (93 products scanned with an average score of 46).  No advertisements and no product pushes.

The subscriber version of Yuka is $15/year (you can try a more limited version for free), which includes the convenient scan-for-a-score feature.  Furthermore, your subscription dollars are what keeps Yuka in business, instead of funding manufacturers who’d like nothing more than to push their products on you.  That’s just one of the reasons I now keep score at the grocery store.

The Give-and-Get Machine

This Christmas season, by tidy coincidence, our family’s Twelve Days of Christmas will give to us six family members, Five Gold Rings, four restaurant dinners, three neighborhood gatherings, two Christmas concerts, and a downtown parade of horses, dogs, and Santa. As if that’s not enough “get” this year, we’ll also have a couple dozen presents under the Christmas tree… most processed through the Give-and-Get Machine.

I’ll get to the Machine in a minute but let’s start with the exception.  In early October I walked into a local retailer, picked out a gift for my wife, and handed over a credit card.  In exchange, the clerk handed over my purchase in a small paper bag.  I took it home, wrapped it myself, and – two months later – placed it lovingly under the Christmas tree.  If you’re thinking, Man you went to a lot of trouble, Dave – I sure hope your wife appreciates it, then you, my friend, are a product of the Machine.

What is the Give-and-Get Machine?  It’s technology’s approach to gifting.  When you choose to give a gift this year, nine times out of ten you’ll plop down on the couch, open your laptop, and navigate to your favorite e-commerce website.  If you don’t know what to give, you can choose between “Last Minute Deals” or “Top Picks for You” (based on previous spending).  Once you decide, you’re probably less than five clicks from the finish line, especially if your recipient is in your “Address Book” and you’ve already stored your personal information.  Add to shopping cart, choose delivery address, confirm purchase, and you’re done.  But wait!  You can also add gift wrapping and a message for a few more pennies.  Well now, aren’t you the savvy gift-giver!

The convenience of the Give-and-Get Machine is undeniable.  After all, my purchase in October meant a one-hour roundtrip drive, to a shop where I may or may not have found something.  Add another fifteen minutes once I got home to wrap the gift and add the To:/From: tag.  You, meanwhile, accomplished the same “task” in maybe ten minutes, with a mug of hot chocolate and a few keystrokes from the comfort of your kitchen table.

“Task” is the operative word in the last paragraph.  Gifting should spring from the heart instead of the Task app of your smartphone, right?  Gifting should be a choice, not a chore.  Perhaps those of us who default to the easy-out Give-and-Get Machine are missing out on the real meaning of Christmas.

Admittedly, the Give-and-Get Machine includes some really nifty apps.  If you’ve ever used Gift Hero (“The Best Wish List Ever”) you know what I mean.  GH is the perfect solution for the family that exchanges gifts but has reached the age (or proximity) where no one knows what to get each other.  On GH each of you creates wish lists and the lists are shared with everyone else.  Once you choose a gift from another GH list it’s marked as “taken” to avoid duplicates.  Most gifts are hyperlinked to merchant websites for easy purchase, and you can add notes like color, size, and quantity.  Also, GH blocks you from knowing what has been taken from your own list by whom, so the element of surprise remains.

There’s an endless debate with apps like GH.  I mean, let’s be honest, it’s easy to skip any and all effort to be thoughtful about what somebody wants for Christmas when you have their list right in front of you.  On the other hand, you avoid the occasional embarrassing face-to-face exchange, where the recipient insists I love it when in fact they really don’t, and will probably regift it next Christmas.

Ultimately, the almighty dollar may be the decider between a gift from a store or the Give-and-Get Machine.  My wife and I found a nice assortment of books and toys for our Colorado granddaughters this year, at stores we visited both near and far.  We wrapped them all up, put them in a large box, and drove down to the post office.  The clerk measured the box and its weight and informed me the shipment “had to go by plane” instead of anything cheaper.  The cost was more than my annual subscription to Amazon Prime.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so critical of the Give-and-Get Machine after all.

It’s Thanksgiving Season (#4)

Well now, I told you the Thanksgiving season would fly by didn’t I?  Those 23 days came, went, and BAM! here we are – Thanksgiving Day itself.  Good thing you kept a Gratitude Calendar like I asked you to.  You did keep one, didn’t you – the list of things you’re grateful for this season?  No, you can’t have my list (who are you, that kid who copied off of others in grade school?) but I will let you read it:

  1. WordPress, which allowed me to schedule this post ahead of time so I can spend Thanksgiving Day focused on much more important things.
  2. Thanksgiving cards, purchased for family and friends before the torrent of Christmas cards pushed them off the shelves.
  3. Our son, visiting this weekend all the way from Colorado.
  4. Witnessing my beloved alma mater face Clemson on the football field (even if Notre Dame “didn’t show up”).
  5. Today’s extra hour of sleep, even if I couldn’t manage to sleep for an extra hour.
  6. Babysitting my granddaughter, even if she produced what I’d politely call a “blowout”.
  7. Making it to the car dealership safely on a suspect front left wheel.
  8. Repair of that wheel by mechanics who know a lot more about fixing cars than I do.
  9. A perfectly still morning with the dog and a cup of coffee before easing into the day’s activities.
  10. My mother, who was born on this day 95 years ago.
  11. My body, which allows me to continue the regular, rigorous workouts I enjoy.
  12. My wife, my endless source of love and laughter.
  13. The quiet, peaceful, safe community I live in (and utterly take for granted).
  14. A long-awaited rain shower, and hopefully the first of many.
  15. The many entertaining blog posts from my “online family”: those I faithfully follow and who faithfully follow me.
  16. The family and friends who keep us tied to our former years in Colorado.
  17. A perfect fall day in Colorado, allowing me to accomplish the many things I had on my agenda.
  18. The reunion of my wife’s family with her mother (a gathering that hasn’t taken place in over ten years).
  19. A visit with my Colorado granddaughters, and the opportunity to walk my eldest to kindergarten the following morning.
  20. A visit with my best buddy and his wife, and the realization our relationship will stay strong no matter the time or distance.
  21. The countless workers in the airline industry who make travelling safe, including the singing traffic cop at the airport crosswalk.
  22. The simple comforts of being back at home 
  23. My brothers and their families, who I will truly miss this year as they gather together in Williamsburg, VA.

And… that’s enough for today.  You should be focused on family and friends anyway, not blog posts.  Wait – one more thing – a throwback term to mix in with your Thanksgiving spread: requital (with the middle part of the word pronounced like “quite”).  A requital is a return or a reward for an act of kindness.  Here’s how Beethoven used it back when he was still making music: As a slight requital of your kind souvenir, I take the liberty to send you some variations, and a Rondo with violin accompaniment.  Fancy, huh?  Now, go impress your guests around the table by using your new word.

Oh, and if you didn’t keep a calendar of things to be thankful for? Seriously, what are you waiting for?  C’mon, get grateful already!

It’s Thanksgiving Season (#2)

So here we are, nine days into the Thanksgiving season already.  Didn’t the time positively fly  (even with the extra hour last Sunday)?  Have you already booked your travel to visit loved ones later in the month? Have you already made pumpkin pie (because you can never have enough pumpkin pie, so why wait until Thanksgiving Day)?  Whatever you’ve done for the past nine days, I’ve already hinted at the three “F’s” of Thanksgiving: food, family, and friends.  Now let’s add a fourth.

Not football.  Not fun runs.  The most important Thanksgiving “F” is full; as in “full of thanks”.  You are thankful this season, aren’t you?  If you joined my bandwagon from last week’s post, you already have nine reasons (or nine people) to be thankful for.  Keep that list going until the big day, band-wagoner.

Now that you know the four (not three) “F’s” of Thanksgiving, let’s visit five facts you probably don’t know about the holiday.  Here’s a morsel for your taste buds: the very first Thanksgiving feast probably included lobster, deer, swans, and seals.  PETA and I struggle with those last two, but the list stands to reason because we’re talking pilgrims and Indians on the coast of Massachusetts, four hundred years ago, making merry for three straight days.  Those flavorful “entrees” were abundant back then, with nary a turkey to be found.

Too cute to eat!

Remember last week’s mention of Abraham Lincoln making Thanksgiving a holiday?  That was in 1863, declared as every last Thursday in November.  Seventy-odd years later, Franklin D. Roosevelt moved Thanksgiving Day one week earlier to extend the shopping season during the Great Depression.  But some states pushed back on Roosevelt’s pushback so in the 1940s you had several years with multiple Thanksgiving Days (more turkey for everyone – hooray!)  Eventually the compromise was made as we know it today: one Thanksgiving Day, the fourth Thursday of every November.

My wife and I love dinner in front of the TV, don’t you?  But have you actually eaten a TV dinner?  You know, the frozen full meal in a box, with the tiny portions of generic food in the partitioned aluminum-foil tray?  Well, you can thank Thanksgiving for TV dinners.  Swanson overestimated the demand for turkey one year, and in a totally give-that-person-a-raise move, converted 260 tons of leftover turkey into 5,000 hand-packed dinners, complete with dressing, gravy, peas, and sweet potatoes, at a mere $0.98 a pop.  A year later they’d sold ten million of them.  Voila – the birth of the TV dinner.

Trivia question: What teams always play football on Thanksgiving Day?  Trivia answer: the Dallas Cowboys and the Detroit Lions.  Better trivia question: What teams first played football on Thanksgiving Day? Answer: Yale and Princeton way-y-y-y back in 1876.  I didn’t even know football was a sport in 1876.  As for games played on Thanksgiving Day, I would’ve guessed they started like, a hundred years after that.

If your Aunt Betty spends a little too much time at the holiday punch bowl and thinks it’s funny to start gobble-gobble-gobbling at your kids, you might want to remind her females don’t gobble.  Er, female turkeys that is. The signature Thanksgiving sound is reserved for the males of the species.  Female turkeys have been known to purr and cackle instead.  This is good information for your Aunt Betty (the purr , not the cackle).

Pay it “backward”

Okay, enough what-you-didn’t-know fun for today.  Let’s wrap with another nod to being thank-full (or, if you will, having “gra-attitude”).  I love this time of year because Starbucks gives away free coffee.  Okay, so they’re not really giving away free coffee.  Instead, drive-thru patrons continue the seasonal tradition of paying for the car behind them (and driving off quickly so as to remain anonymous).  I go to Starbucks more often just to participate (as payer, not payee).  So, for whatever you are grateful for, share that happy feeling with the people behind you in line.  Not a patron of Starbucks?  Doesn’t matter; any drive-thru will do.  So c’mon, get grateful already!

Some content sourced from the October 2023 Town & Country Magazine article, “14 Surprising Facts You Never Knew About Thanksgiving”, and Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

Not-So-Thruways

We live on a long, straight-run residential street, with the option to exit at either end to access the outside world.  Close by, a cluster of our neighbors live on a short, stubby lane, where you won’t get very far before having to turn around and go back the way you came.  A sign posted at their street’s entrance declares, “Not A Through Street”.  It’s what the French – and we Americans – call a cul-de-sac.

In a rather desperate effort to come up with something Halloween-related this week, I landed weakly on “dead-end streets”.  Of course, these tiny avenues are often very much alive.  Cul-de-sac’s host a quaint gathering of houses, with a few on the straight run and even fewer around the end circle.  The setup allows these neighbors to get to know each other easier.  And with so little traffic, the end circle encourages kids to do what their parents normally nix: play in the street.

But maybe I shouldn’t paint/assume such a rosy picture (especially with Halloween right around the corner).  What if your neighbor living right next door on that little end circle is someone you’d sooner see in a horror movie?  Or what if the statistics are true: even more people are struck by cars on a cul-de-sac because of the assumed safety of a quiet street?  Finally, consider the double-hyphenated phrase staring you right in the face.  Cul-de-sac – French translation – “bottom of bag”.  Suddenly your house feels like one of those throwaway candies you find deep down in your trick-or-treat sack.

I didn’t know “cul-de-sac” had such a negative connotation.  I found it rather quaint because it’s double-hyphenated (and French).  Curious, I went in search of other double-hyphenated words to see if I could find something more positive.  Know-it-allWord-of-mouth (which is often gossip).  Son-in-law.  Okay, that last one has potential.  I mean, he’s only been married to my daughter for year now, so…

Here’s a really nasty double-hyphenated for you.  Fer-de-lance.  It means “head of spear”, which isn’t so nasty until you realize it’s the name of a snake; an extremely poisonous viper who lives in the tropics.  The fer-de-lance was the killer (literally) in a 1974 movie by the same name.  A movie I never should’ve watched at the fairly innocent age of twelve.  Fer-De-Lance was the original Snakes on a Plane, only the plane was a submarine carrying a crate full of deadly creepy-crawlies.  How’s that for Halloween-scary?

Like Fer-De-Lance, Cul-De-Sac was also a movie (1966), about “a hermit living with his wife in a large dank castle on an island… terrorized by two escaped prisoners.”  Not exactly a romantic comedy, and no explanation of the film’s title, other than maybe this couple finding themselves at their ultimate dead-end.

Let’s circle back to the suburban version of the cul-de-sac (please!)  Two addresses ago we actually lived on one.  There were two houses on each side of the straight-run and four houses on the end-circle.  We lived on the circle.  Were we tight with our neighbors?  No!  Each of our driveways were long and steep so our houses were actually pretty far apart.  I still remember how we’d greet our neighbors faithfully only one day out of the year.  What day?  Halloween, when we’d accompany our kids to their front doors.

We need to end this more-Halloween-than-I thought post on a positive note, so I don’t have you thinking about poisonous snakes and escaped prisoners.  Cul-de-Sac is a locale on the beautiful Caribbean island of Saint Martin.  It was also the name of a 1990s alternative rock band.  And Cul-de-Sac was the title of “a light-hearted comic strip centered around a four-year-old and her suburban life experiences.”  Okay, now we’re talking.

Some advice before I close.  If you live on a cul-de-sac, I suggest you double-stock the candy this Halloween.  After all, trick-or-treaters who make it to your dead-end street may find themselves going round and round the end circle without realizing what they’re doing.  Keep an eye out for repeat customers.

Some content sourced from Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

Fresh-Breath Foods

There was a time, not so long ago, when the Girl Scouts knocked on your front door instead of standing outside your local supermarket, selling their popular cookies. My wife would tease me because I never had the heart to turn down the cute little uniformed kids on my doorstep. But let the record show, I really do like Girl Scout cookies. And if I had the money to buy just one box, it’d be the Thin Mints every time.

Nature’s fresh-breath herb

I’ve been a mint fan as long as I can remember.  I’m not talking about foods (yet) so much as the flavor itself.  Peppermint, spearmint, wintergreen, or even a fresh sprig right out of the ground – they all speak to me with a sort of spicy vibe.  I find a food so “tasteful” when it’s freshening your breath at the same time.

For a hot minute I thought the Girl Scout Thin Mints were gone for good.  A recent headline teased the departure of a “cult-favorite” cookie flavor and I feared the Mints had run their course.  Instead, it’s the lookalike “Raspberry Rally” calling it quits.  No harm, no foul.  As long as I can still buy the Thin Mints (and an occasional Caramel Delite) I’ll happily fork over the $5 (now $6) a box.

Mint-striped “humbug” candies

Had the Thin Mints really been gone for good, I needn’t look far to find other fresh-breath foods.  Who doesn’t like a scoop of peppermint or mint chocolate-chip ice cream?  A pack of Mentos?  Listerine?  Heck, I’ll even settle for that gritty peppermint paste the hygienist uses to polish your teeth.

Brach’s “Star Brights”

Minty consumables really do run the gamut.  You’ll find over fifty global brands of breath mints, including Altoids (my favorite), Breath Savers, Certs, Clorets, Ice Breakers, Tic Tac, and Velamints.  But put all of these together and you still wouldn’t come close to the Starlight Mint population.  The origin of Starlights is one of the world’s great mysteries.  Brach’s Candy claims their invention, but if so then why do they call them “Star Brights”?

If Starlights are too dime-store for your taste perhaps you prefer the softer texture of a “butter mint”.  Butters are often found, individually wrapped, in the lobbies of fine restaurants (gone are the days where you’d just spoon yourself a handful on the way out the door).  I’ve always thought a butter mint is caught in a quandary,  Does it identify more as “butter” or “mint”?

Mint julep

Speaking of a refined palate, minty liquors make for some mighty fine beverages.  The first drink my wife and I ever shared was hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps from a thermos at our college’s movie night.  A grasshopper (and my wife has a killer recipe for one) is a fresh-breath milkshake made with crème de menthe.  And the Kentucky Derby’s mint julep is more bourbon than mint but you’ll always find fresh sprigs garnishing the top.

If not the Starlights, my first introduction to mint was probably packs of Life Savers.  There used to be several mint flavors of “the candy with the hole in the middle” including Wint-O-Green, Stik-O-Pep, and Spear-O-Mint.  But when the trendier Mentos and Tic-Tac came along, Life Savers headed for the rear-view mirror.

Mistake-O-Mint

No mention of mint would be complete without a couple of failures (at least IMHO).  In the 1970s the makers of Starburst came out with a short-lived minty version called Pacers.  They never worked for me because I always expected those chewy little squares to be fruit-flavored.  Nabisco’s Oreo, which blossomed into 85+ varieties from their black-and-white signature sandwich cookie, include ones with green mint filling.  No, just no.  Oreos are meant to be the vanilla originals.  Food-color them orange for Halloween if you will but don’t change the taste.

[Side advertisement: The next time I fly overseas I’ll have to give Jet Blue’s Mint class a try.  Their individual “apart-mint” cubicles allow you to lie flat, with lots of cushions, a TV, and plenty of storage space for your carry-on items.  Fancy, huh?  All that’s missing is a chocolate mint on your memory foam pillow before you drift off to sleep.]

France’s “Monnaie de Paris” Mint

Here’s a chicken-or-egg question.  Which mint came first, the flavor itself or the stodgy industrial facility which manufactures coins?  I always thought it’d be cool to work in a mint.  You’re handling millions of dollars every day and if someone asked what you do for a living, you just say casually, “Oh, I make money.”  And If it were up to me I’d give all those coins a sweet-smelling scent on their way out the door so they’d be “freshly-minted” two times over.

Our Christmas celebrations used to include a box of Frango Mints, the melt-in-your-mouth chocolates you could buy at Chicago’s Marshall Field’s.  These days we go with Williams-Sonoma peppermint bark.  Our tree will always welcome a peppermint candy cane or two.  And if a Girl Scout should ever knock on my front door again, I’ll be happy to help her meet her quota, because the Thin Mints will always be a breath of fresh air.

Some content sourced from the CNN Business article, “The Girl Scouts are discontinuing a cult-favorite cookie”, and Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

Map-Sap Goodness

A few months ago, authorities in New Zealand wrapped up a five-month sting where they confiscated the largest import of methamphetamine in the country’s history. Millions of dollars of the liquid stimulant were discovered in, of all places, a shipment of maple syrup jugs. Agents swapped out the drugs with water and let the jugs continue to Australia, where the recipients were quickly apprehended. Did this story captivate me?  Why yes it did, but not because of a million-dollar drug bust. I pretty much stopped reading at jugs of maple syrup.

With all due respect to fruit, I think maple syrup is the better example of “nature’s candy”.  After all, it’s essentially organic liquid sugar.  If you have the tree, the tools and the time (a lot of time), you can tap your own supply.  Simply drill a hole into the trunk of your sugar maple tree, hang a bucket below the opening, and let the goodness s-l-o-w-l-y flow.  After you’ve collected what you need, boil off the water, filter off the crystallized sugar, and your pancakes or waffles are set to be topped.

Sugar maple

If you prefer a more solid sweet, make snow candy like Little House on the Prairie’s Laura Ingalls did back in the day.  Pour boiling maple syrup into short lines on a fresh bed of snow.  Press Popsicle sticks into the lines.  Then roll the cooling syrup around the sticks and voila! – a sweet handheld-treat.  Last Saturday’s arrival of the fall season makes this confection seem extra appealing.

My very favorite doughnuts are maple bars

In the U.S., “real” maple syrup is not so common anymore.  Years ago at my childhood breakfasts I was already consuming imitators like Log Cabin, Mrs. Butterworth’s, or Aunt Jemima (more recently known as “Pearl Milling Company”).  These brands and countless others are known as “table syrups”, made from corn syrup and chemicals instead of anything found in a tree.  They can’t even use the word “maple” in their names because of a consumer protection law known as the Pure Food and Drug Act.

Maple sugar

Enough about the impersonators.  Maple syrup’s rich flavor and density should be the preference to table syrup’s as long as a) Your taste buds can be reeducated, and b) you’re willing to spend a few more pennies.  And maple syrup is just a step removed from some distinctive treats.  Maple sugar candy is compacted maple sugar formed into small squares or maple leaves (delicious!)  Maple taffy is what you get if you boil maple syrup past its liquid form.  And for the truly obsessed (me), you’ll also find maple versions of toffee, butter, and liqueurs.

Treacle tart

Let’s take a paragraph for a confection of honorable mention.  Ever heard of a treacle tart?  Yes you have, if you know the timeless children’s classic Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  In the story, the evil Child Catcher in the fictional village of Vulgaria tempts young Jeremy and Jemima Potts with ice cream, candy, and treacle tarts (“and all for free!”)  Those tarts are small pastries filled with maple syrup, breadcrumbs, and a splash of lemon juice, served warm with a cream topping.  Yum.  Catch me if you can, Child Catcher.

If you know your flags, you can guess which country produces most of the world’s maple syrup.  Canada accounts for fully 80%, with most of the sweet stuff coming from the province of Quebec.  Vermont’s production is similarly dominant compared to other U.S. states.  Both locales are northern climates, where sugar maple trees thrive in the cold winters.  So as much as I’d like to channel my inner L.L. Bean by planting a maple tree and drilling a hole, donned in flannel shirt and snow boots, it’s never going to happen here in hot-and-humid South Carolina.  Guess I’ll have to settle for a store-bought jug of nature’s candy instead.

Some content sourced from the Deutsche Welle (DW) article, “Authorities find drugs worth millions hidden in maple syrup”, and Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

Living On The Edge

The state line between South Carolina (SC) and Georgia (GA) follows the twists and turns of the Savannah River. You know you’re heading into one state or the other whenever you cross the water. Driving from our part of South Carolina into nearby Augusta, GA is interesting. The interstate loops Augusta by starting in SC, touches a bit of GA, goes back to SC for a few miles, then continues into GA again as it follows the river. It’s an example of my life on the edge.

In California, W means “water”

Growing up on the coast of California, it never occurred to me the geography of my younger days was limited to only three of the four cardinal directions.  If I headed north I’d leave the urban stretches of Los Angeles for the more rural towns of the the central coast.  Head south and I’d parallel the beaches all the way to San Diego.  The only thing east of the city seemed to be the endless Mojave Desert.  As for the last of the four directions?  Not an option, at least not without a boat, plane, or a whole lot of swimming.  Horace Greeley would’ve never told me to “Go West, young man”.

South Bend sits where the yellow and red come together at the very top of Indiana.

In my college years in South Bend, IN, I was a fifteen-minute drive from the line where the Central and Eastern time zones meet.  Back then you didn’t touch your clock for Daylight Savings, so half the year you were the same time as Detroit while the other half you were Chicago.  It was confusing, but not as confusing as someone who lived on one side of the line and worked on the other.  Imagine leaving the house at 8:00am, driving an hour, and arriving at the office at… 8:00am?  It’s a neat trick, pulled off by a lot of those who live on the edge of a time zone.

Raising our kids in Colorado Springs, we always knew which direction we were heading because the line of the Rocky Mountains lay immediately to the west.  Those peaks rose up like the Great Wall of China, just daring you to push through.  Sure, we drove the interstates into the Rockies for skiing, hiking, and such, but day-to-day we were down at the base, literally living on the edge.  Like California, we had one less cardinal direction at our disposal.

Grays Peak, on Colorado’s Continental Divide

The Rockies conceal another important edge, known as the Continental Divide.  The Divide is elevated terrain separating neighboring drainage basins.  Plain English?  The north-south line from which water flows either west to the Pacific Ocean or east to the Atlantic.  I always wanted to stop somewhere flat on the Divide and pour out a bottle of water.  Let’s see if it really flows both ways from the line, right?  It’s an experiment that to this day remains unconducted.

Football is a game of lines and edges

Football, one of my favorite spectator sports, is all about lines and edges.  One team faces the other, on an imaginary line defined by where the referee places the ball.  Cross that line before the ball is snapped and you’ll be flagged with a penalty.  Advance the ball ten yards past that line – to another imaginary line – and your team is awarded more play.  The sidelines of the field might as well drop off to a bottomless void.  Catching a pass outside of that edge is not allowed.  Running the ball outside of that edge brings the game to a halt.  But catching or running across the lines at end of the field?  That rewards you with a score.

$50 gets you a spot on “The Edge” sky deck

For all this living and playing on thresholds, maybe I should visit one of New York City’s newest high-rise attractions.  One hundred floors above the sidewalk, The Edge is billed as “the highest outdoor sky deck in the Western Hemisphere”.  Jutting out from its host building, The Edge allows unparalleled views of the city below, because the surrounding walls are solid glass, as is a portion of the deck floor itself (yikes!) If Spider-Man is your thing, you can go even higher by scaling the outside of the remaining floors of the skyscraper.  I have to say, this sort of thing draws a “fine line” between entertainment and, well, insanity.

I won’t be going to The Edge… ever.  I’m not good with heights, so anything above a pedestrian Ferris Wheel just isn’t my cup of tea.  Nope, leave me behind, comfortably grounded, where crossing the Savannah River from one state to another is plenty adventurous.  That’s my definition of life on the edge.

Some content sourced from Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

(Not far from) Madding Crowds

Last night, the University of Nebraska women’s volleyball team played the fourth match of their 2023 campaign. College volleyball doesn’t get much coverage sharing seasons with (American) football, but this match made the sports headlines for several reasons. One, it was played outdoors. Two, it was played in Nebraska’s massive Memorial Stadium (normally a football venue). And three – most notably – the Huskers brought home the straight-sets win in front of 90,000 riotous fans… at $25 a ticket.

Volleyball instead of football

I know what you’re thinking.  How do you get 90,000 people to cough up $25 for a college volleyball match?  Well, it helps to throw in a country music concert for starters.  Then add a second match to double the volleyball (Nebraska-Kearney vs. Wayne State).  Finally, most importantly, let fans know they just might break the regular-season attendance record for a women’s volleyball match… the same attendance record that volleyball rival Wisconsin stole from Nebraska just last season.

Memorial Stadium on any given Saturday

It fascinates me to read about sports competitions played in front of massive sold-out stadiums, weekend after weekend.  Nebraska has filled those same 90,000 seats for every Husker football game for the past sixty years (making the venue the “third-largest city in Nebraska” for several hours each Saturday).  Michigan’s Wolverines compete in the largest college stadium in America – 108,000 seats – with every seat taken more often than not.  And like Nebraska’s volleyball match last night, my fascination is not just with the number of fans but also with how much they’re willing to pay.  I’m in the market for tickets for my beloved Notre Dame; the football team headed to nearby Clemson later this season.  Unless I’m looking for a nosebleed I’ll be paying north of $450 no matter where I sit.

My weekends are busy so I’m lucky to watch a football game on TV, let alone attend one in person.  Yet every Saturday (and Sunday with the NFL) you have tens of thousands of fans gladly opening their wallets and purses to do just that.  It’s a loud, colorful thread (rope?) in the fabric of American society.

Denver’s “Coors Field”

Major League Baseball (MLB), with an average of 45,000 seats per stadium, is even more confounding to me.  In an endless spring-summer season of 162 games, half are played at the team’s home stadium.  The majority of those seats are taken by season ticket-holders.  With an average ticket price of $36 you’re handing over $3,000 for the season before you’ve even seen the first game.  Besides, who has the time to watch so many baseball games (mostly at night)?  Do what my friends back in Colorado do: split the season ticket in half with another fan and sell most of the tickets to family and friends.  You’ll make a small profit and still go to as many baseball games as you can stomach.

My appetite for baseball games is about two a season; that’s it.  Frankly I enjoy sitting outside in the summer air beside a friend as much as I do the game itself.  Otherwise, keep me far from those madding crowds.  The investment of time, money, effort (and sometimes hassle) to watch a game in person is almost always won over by the convenience, commentary, and cameras of television.

San Diego’s “Rady Shell at Jacobs Park”

Of course, this is sports we’re talking about.  If the topic was music and concerts, my post would take on a decidedly different “tone” (heh).  Tempt me with a chart-topper from the 1980s – Billy Joel comes to mind – and I’d give up the time and money to see a live performance.  Even better, dangle classical concert tickets in front of me, such as the San Diego Symphony at its cozy waterfront bandshell, or a summer concert in the outdoor gardens of Vienna’s Schönbrunn Palace (see below video).  Classical concert crowds are not nearly as madding as those for sports.

Nebraska is a five-time national volleyball champion

About that regular-season attendance record for a women’s volleyball match.  Wisconsin set the bar with an impressive 16,833 fans last season by filling its basketball arena.  Nebraska’s official tally last night was 92,003 fans… more than five times as many (on a Wednesday night, no less).  Way to crush those rival Badgers, Husker Nation.  That’s what I call a madding crowd.

Some content sourced from the ESPN article, “How Nebraska volleyball plans to pack Memorial Stadium”, and Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

Concourses or Golf Courses?

Whenever flying is a part of my travel plans, I wear my most comfortable pair of walking shoes. Long gone are the days of the coat-and-tie-to-fly dress code, in favor of sneakers (and jeans). My reason for rubber-soled kicks used to be, “What if we’re in some kind of accident and I need to get off in a hurry?” Today I go with a wholly different reason. The long, long walk I can expect from curb to concourse to airplane cabin simply demands something easy on the feet.

Here’s a startling comparison.  If you play golf and skip the cart, you’re going to walk over four miles to finish your round.  By almost the same token, if you’re connecting through Dallas-Ft. Worth or Atlanta and choose to walk from Terminal B to Terminal E, you’re going to walk over two miles.  Add in the inevitable search for food, a stop or two at retail, and a visit to the restroom and you’re closer to three miles.  And none of that includes the distance from the curb to the ticket counter, from the counter through security, and from your gate down the jetway to your seat on the plane.

How do they do it in heels?

Now for the bad news.  Airports are only getting bigger, and not for the reasons you might think.  Sure, more people fly than ever before, which adds more planes, more gates, and even more airports.  But behind the scenes a couple of stronger forces are at work.  One, airlines are shifting to larger aircraft, which translates to more space between parked planes.  Two, airport parking revenue is down (thanks to Uber, Lyft, and more mass transit), which translates to the airport’s need to find revenue elsewhere.  Where?  Retail, bars, and restaurants.

Don’t get used to these…

From recent trips through airports, I’ve noticed the following.  In Denver International, remodeled Concourse B is already labeled “Gates 1-100”, even though there aren’t a hundred gates.  It’s a straight-line concourse and it’s only going to get longer.  In Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson, the concourses are so long and narrow (and so crowded), that last gate is farther than you can see without binoculars.  And in San Diego’s Lindbergh Field, when you’re processed into Terminal 2 from security, you can’t see a single gate, because you have to pass through a veritable shopping mall first.

In the ultimate insult to long walks to planes, some airports have left the moving walkways out of their concourse remodels.  Those walkways discourage you from passing directly in front of the food and retail the airport so desperately needs you to patronize.  And intentional or not, the airlines encourage these purchases by offering less food onboard.  You, weary traveler, are a captive audience to more than one performer.

I prefer this kind of walk

Let’s not forget the rental cars.  Avis’s slogan is “We try harder”.  Maybe it should be, “We try harder… to take more of your money“.  I just reviewed my receipt from a recent San Diego rental for a full-size standard Kia sedan.  Right there below the actual daily rate: “11.11% Concession Recovery Fee”; essentially the cost of doing business at the airport.  Add in Vehicle License Recoup fee, Customer Facility Charge (another airport fee), California Tourism Fee, and a final flourish of “tax”, and the rate increased by 32%.  All so I can walk further to get to my rental car?

An early chapter of my career was in airport planning.  We’re the people who figure out how to get the planes from the runways to the taxiways to the gates without hitting each other.  We also design the terminal buildings to include enough gates, concessions and restrooms (yeah, yeah, bring on the heat with that last item).  Concourse design used to be “spoke and hub”, meaning you walked down the spoke to a circular boarding hub of several gates.  It made the airplane taxiing a little trickier outside, but it significantly reduced a passenger’s walk to the gate.  Today, airports no longer favor the design (er, traveler) because it reduces the square footage for concessions.

For those of you who live and die by your 10,000 steps, take heart; airports are helping you accomplish your daily goal.  Phoenix Sky Harbor even disguised the long walk through the concourses by calling it a “Fitness Trail”.  Be sure to allow enough time to get in a (seriously overpriced) shopping trip at all those concessions.  But don’t forget, the airlines only allow one reasonably sized carry-on these days.  Any others will cost you a checked bag fee… because the airport isn’t making enough money already.

Some content sourced from the CNN Business article, “Why you have to walk so far to your gate at the airport”, and Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.