Joe Whoops-a-Lazy

Cycle class at the gym (also called “spin”) goes very well as long as you’re careful with your setup before starting the wheels a-turnin’. Adjust the seat and handlebars until you’re “one with the cycle”. Remove the “cages” from the pedals if you wear cycle shoes. Secure your water bottle in the holder with the top open. Place your towel within easy swabbing distance. And bring an extra mask to replace the one you destroy when you rip it away from your face gasping for air.

I’ve been committed to weekly cycle for a long time now so my setup routine is darned near perfect. As it was this morning.  Everything in its place – time to get after it, Dave.  But then the classroom door flew open and in strode Joe Whoops-a-Lazy. And curse you Murphy’s law, Joe chose the cycle right next to mine.

You know Joe. He’s the boisterous bruiser who announces his presence just by lumbering across the room. He’s big and he’s bald, with too many tattoos and not enough clothing. He breathes in and out like a bull pre-stampede, even when all he’s doing is setting up his bike. He gives the rest of us a beady-eyed sneer to size up his competition (as if you can somehow be “competitive” on a stationary bike.)

Poor Joe. He’s not just Joe, he’s Joe Whoops-a-Lazy. Every time the cycle instructor gives a shout-out to see if we’re all still alive and kicking, Joe yells, “WHOOOOP!!!” or “AW YEAH!!!” or “LET’S DO THIS!!!”. To Joe, it’s an hour-long party on wheels!  Joe wants the rest of us to know he’s really into cycle. Personally I think he’s just really into our cycle instructor.

Here’s where it all goes wrong, Joe. If you gave it a millisecond of thought you’d realize none of the rest of us are going “WHOOOOP!!!” or “AW YEAH!!!” We don’t utter a word when the instructor shouts out her lusty, “How ya’ doin’ out there?”. Why? Because we… can’t… talk. We can’t even form a coherent thought.  For God’s sake, we can barely breathe.  We’re all about the non-verbals in those oxygen-deprived moments.  Head nodding.  Thumbs-up.  Not whooping it up like a cheerleader at a football game.

If Joe were giving cycle class his all, his last name might be Whoops-Amazing instead of Whoops-a-Lazy. Instead, he’s all about looking good and flirting with the instructor (as if a “WHOOOOP” melts her in her cycle shoes). Sorry Joe, if you have enough breath to cheerlead, you’re leaving something on the table.  In other words, you’re kinda lazy.

Here’s another betrayal of Joe’s he-man persona. While the rest of us push up an imaginary hill, our cycles cranked to all kinds of resistance, JW is standing on his pedals a head higher than the entire class. Joe thinks cycling as he stands makes him look uber-strong.  Er, he got that one backward. Anyone who cycles even a little knows you work harder in the seat than standing on the pedals.

Maybe you’ll be seated next to Joe Whoops-a-Lazy the next time you ride a rollercoaster. Joe’s the one with his hands held high in the sky as the coaster ascends the first incline, whooping and hollering before the death drops even begin. He’s more like Joe Whoops-a-Crazy, cackling down the hills and around the curves as his straining seat belt threatens ejection.

I’m fine with Rollercoaster Joe. I’m also fine with Sports Bar Joe, yelling at the game on the big-screen TV.  But I’m not fine with Golf Fan Joe going, “IN THE HOLE!!!” after a Tiger Woods putt.  And I’m not fine with Cycle Class Joe and his big ol’ “WHOOOOP!!!”.  Take that swagger back to the weight room, big guy.

17 thoughts on “Joe Whoops-a-Lazy

    1. My son just got a Peloton and I gave it a “spin”. Now I understand what all the fuss is about. It was great! If we didn’t have the in-person option (which is my entire social life these days) I’d def get one.

      Like

      1. Haha I drank the Peloton koolaide at the start of the pandemic doing the yoga/strength classes. Now I can’t imagine life before the bike. There is a very nice gym is our building but the owner filed bankruptcy so we are unsure if it’ll ever open again 😭

        Like

  1. There is one in every crowd, isn’t there? I feel for all the people who had gym memberships and were not able to use them during the pandemic. Our gyms only recently opened up, maybe a month ago, after bankruptcies closed smaller gyms and multiple lawsuits against our Governor were filed by larger gyms. One gym was evicted by its landlord, throwing everything out in the parking lot. We’ve had some clever gym owners move their equipment out in the parking lot during the Summer months. With rising COVID stats here in Michigan I wonder what will happen now. I see a rise in home gym equipment and people who wish they’d gone this route back in March or April. I have an exercise bike in my basement, no bells or whistles on it, but sturdy and when I was younger, long before I began a walking regimen, I used to ride 20 miles every night. I usually go this route when I can’t walk to keep my legs strong for when I can resume walking in the Spring. I’ve never tried spinning and I’ve watched the Peloton commercials and ads – wow, what an inspiration to keep in shape.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Our gym is one of those who found outdoor space to continue its fitness classes. Loved working out without the mask, but now we’re forced back indoors because of weather. I’m committed to my routine, but it’s not a lot of fun with the mask on. As for Peloton and other home systems, I think they’re great especially if you don’t have a gym as an alternative. I tried my son’s Peloton and it’s as close to the in-person experience as you can get. And no easier 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I thought it was a great idea working out on machines outside – people really missed their routine. I started seeing lots of people at the park where I walk all the time because they lost their gym exercise regimen. I think I looked at that first Peloton commercial after women were complaining it disparaged them and insinuated they were fat. I didn’t see the commercial that way at all … maybe I am more mellow or it takes a lot more than that to get me riled up! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Our gym is doing everything they can to keep us coming, even with some pretty tough restrictions because of COVID. I wish they’d keep the cycles outdoors even after the restrictions are lifted. Nothing like a fresh-air workout.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You should poll some of the others and see if you can persuade the owners to move the bikes outside. Or better yet, have additional bikes placed outside. In one of our riverfront cities, they have bike stands with several regular bikes in them and you can use them around that city and drop them off at other bike stands for a small fee but a deposit first. It used to be for free, but people just kept on riding and took them home. That has been a big hit, though I’ve not tried them yet.

        Like

  2. I want to comment on the almost throw-away line you put in at the end: why the heck is it suddenly OK for spectators to shout during golf matches? They used to be so dignified, to the point where even the announcers (who are likely in a studio) would practically whisper. Shouting “in the hole!” seems so pointless. Can we start a movement to take things back to the way that they were? One of the small silver linings to COVID (there aren’t many, but there actually are a few) is the fact that there are almost no spectators at the various golf tournaments anymore, and thus no shouting. Works for me…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The patrons still behave at the majors but all other tournaments have become fair game for “Joe’s”. I don’t get it either, as if they’re trying to turn golf into a rowdy sport. The players are on the fence about the absence of patrons. Some of them feed off the roars of the crowd. But I’m sure they’d all be happy to see Joe stay home and watch on TV instead.

      Like

    1. Ha, they’re not for everyone Joni. My wife is put off by the small uncomfortable “saddles” so I can never get her to join either. Nothing wrong with your brisk walks instead!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I admire Joe’s enthusiasm but, like you, would prefer to take it in less frequently and at a distance.

    Ok, please don’t think me rude, but here’s my question: Does spending time on an exercise bike really require . . . an instructor? I thought riding a bike was one of those things we learn early and keep for life. It hardly seems more difficult when the thing never actually moves. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. An experienced spin instructor can make the difference between a thorough workout and a so-so one. When you’re dealing with high speed and resistance on the bike, your form is key to focusing on specific muscles and avoiding injury. The instructor is part coach and part cheerleader, guiding you through an hour of exercises (sprints, hill climbs) that seriously test your stamina. Unlike a regular bike, a spin cycle does not have a “coasting” mechanism so you never fully recover throughout the workout. It’s great for the heart.

    Like

Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.