String Instrument

March is looking decidedly mundane, if the first five days are any indication. I’m still recovering from my St. David’s Day festivities on the 1st (more about that here) so I suppose it’s all downhill until April. Even so, the laundry is washed and folded, the dishes are done and put away, and it’s grey and rainy outside, so what could I possibly have to talk about today? Why, dental floss, of course!

Floss is even more mundane than my March to-date, yet there I stood, dwelling on the little nylon spool as I spun out another 18″ this morning. Snap off a length, wind tightly around the fingers, and commence the see-saw journey between and around each of your 28 pearlies (32 if you still have “wisdom”). It’s like you’re playing the smallest string instrument in the orchestra, and all you can contribute is the occasional enamel squeak.

Why do I wonder about floss?  So you don’t have to!  On the list of all activities considered “morning routine” you’re probably way more invested in brushing your teeth, washing your face, or even throwing on deodorant.  Flossing is the one where you stare into the mirror thinking, “Why can’t I text while I do this?”

Floss.  Looks weird and sounds weird, but it’s nothing more than a silky strand, at least in its original form.  Then Johnson & Johnson came up with the nylon alternative – much easier to manufacture in large quantities – and today’s product was born.  Waxed or unwaxed.  Mono or multi-filament.  Tape or picks.  Whatever your weapon against plaque and gingivitis, we’re all participating in pretty much the same activity.

“Candy Floss”

Candy floss is just another name for cotton candy.  Meat floss is a dried, fluffy version of Chinese pork (appropriately named “yuk”).  Floss is also an embroidery term, a town and river in Germany, and an awkward dance move where the arms swing rapidly behind and in front of the body.  But none of those are the first to come to mind when I say “floss”, right? 

Here’s what I want to know.  Why hasn’t someone made flossing more convenient in the 125+ years we’ve all been doing it?  Seriously, I’m picturing those little scrubbing bubbles zooming all over the porcelain of your bathtub, leaving it squeaky clean.  Couldn’t we have a similar product we swish around in our mouths?  It’d be like a dose of Pop Rocks, where you have a few moments of crackling and hissing in your mouth, followed by a rinse and spit.  Bye-bye plaque, no nylon required.

I didn’t manage to “habit” flossing until about age 25.  Before that I was too busy accumulating cavities.  I’m still trying to perfect the see-saw technique after all these years.  Scrape each tooth instead of just snapping up and down between them.  Rewind the floss a few times on your fingers so you’re not using the same inches on all of your teeth.  Floss before you brush.  Finally – the tough one for me – make flossing part of your evening routine, not your morning.

“Moon Graphite Grey Clean Slide”

Here’s the math (because I just have to know these things).  If I’ve really flossed every day since my mid-twenties, I’ve used over four miles of the stuff (or 20,000+ ft).  At 18″ per cleaning that’s countless little lengths.  But here’s another way to look at it.  A typical dispenser of floss contains 55 yards, meaning in almost forty years I’ve only purchased 128.  You could probably fit those dispensers into a single shoebox.  And at $1.29 per dispenser, the whole box only sets you back $165.

Until someone invents those edible scrubbing bubbles, I’ll keep filling up shoeboxes with empty floss dispensers.  My product is Reach; yours might be something more exotic like “Grin Fine Flosspyx” or “Boca Ela Mint”.  No matter how fancy the name, it’s just a piece of nylon string.  And until my March gets more exciting you’ll find me in front of the mirror each morning (er, evening), playing my little string instrument.

Some content sourced from Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

Author: Dave

Four hundred posts would suggest I have something to say… This blog was born from a desire to elevate the English language, highlighting eloquent words from days gone by. The stories I share are snippets of life itself, and each comes with a bonus: a dusted-off word I hope you’ll go on to use more often. Read “Deutschland-ish Improvements” to learn about my backyard European wish list. Try “Slush Fun” for the throwback years of the 7-Eleven convenience store. Or drink in "Iced Coffee" to discover the plight of the rural French cafe. On the lighter side, read "Late Night Racquet Sports" for my adventures with our latest moth invasion. As Walt Whitman said, “That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” Here then, my verse. Welcome to Life In A Word.

27 thoughts on “String Instrument”

  1. I have to say that I’m glad you’re here to figure out all of this about dental floss. On my own, I never would have considered the question and would have a major hole in my dental knowledge.

    Thanks for being here for us!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I think of dental floss, I think of Sophomore year at SMC. Our roommate’s mother would send her so much floss, it made us laugh. We had bunk beds, Ellie was on the bottom. One day when Ellie was out, we (a group of us) took the dental floss and from the bottom bunk to the underneath of the top bunk we kept winding the floss like a spider web. No way, she could get into her bed. It was hysterical. That night, she was in shock, but also laughed and was happy we found a creative way to use her dental floss which she wished her Mom would STOP sending to her. So, here’s to dental floss!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that! First college prank I’ve heard of involving floss. Makes me think I should’ve included a section on “other uses for floss”. Imagine the possibilities!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. In Canada we called it “candy floss” – never cotton candy and when I did embroidery as a young girl, we referred to embroidery thread as “embroidery floss”. I got a kick out of you estimating how many miles of floss you have used since your 20s Dave. Very clever. I used dental floss for years and then switched to picks a few years ago. Then I get a mini packet of dental supplies at each teeth cleaning and it takes a while to get used to. Anything to keep those pearly whites lookin’ good!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My wife introduced me to the picks (they look like little swords to me) and now we keep a supply near the dinner table. I swear my teeth are moving closer together – seems like little bits always get stuck between them. Picks to the rescue!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s pretty amazing how quickly teeth shift. I’ve worn a bite splint while sleeping (as I grind my teeth in my sleep) for about 30 years. If I leave the splint out for some reason, in just a couple of days, it is very tight and it’s difficult to remove. Pretty amazing. When I got my braces off, the orthodontist said “don’t get excited about your new smile and not wear your retainer – your teeth will move very quickly!”

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You would think mouth wash would be able to kill or remove anything the floss gets. I started consistently flossing around 25 too after loads of cavities. I also don’t enjoy the dentist, so whatever I can do to make my experience better is good with me. Last time my lady put numbing gel on my teeth just for a cleaning, my dad told me I was a weenie! I didn’t care I was in and out in less than half an hour pain free.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m with you Lyssy; whatever makes the dentist a more pleasant experience. Bring on the painkillers if necessary. Also, I can’t get past the feeling of passing an exam every time I’m with the hygienist. I kind of hold my breath thinking, “how’d I do this time?” Floss has improved my grades significantly.

      Like

  6. I love this post. What a great topic. My floss is DrTung’s Smart Floss that “Expands & Stretches” while you use it and comes in Cardamom Flavor. I tried all the name brand flosses and never liked them, too difficult to hang onto. BUT this stuff is EZPZ to grip and makes me smile while using it, which helps with my smile. 

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My dentist has made it clear to me that I really need to supplement flossing and brushing with a water-pik – which I have done. Sadly, it doesn’t replace flossing but if I can keep my not so pearly, not so white teeth for just another 20 years or so, I will die happy!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Water Pik seems to be a common supplemental habit for aging teeth these days but – sigh – how many steps must we take to preserve our teeth? Floss, brush, oral rinse, water jets, and we STILL have to see the hygienist every six months 🤔

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi David,

    I am filled with so much knowledge after reading your posts. Who knew there was so much to be said about floss?

    I never heard of the term “candy floss” before. I only ever heard of cotton candy.

    Candy and floss do go hand and hand, the more one has candy, the more one has to floss.

    Blessings to you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Better to have your brain filled than your teeth, right? :) And I like your connection between candy and floss (though I don’t know anyone who doesn’t just call it “cotton candy”).

      Liked by 2 people

  9. A smile-maker title (once the topic is revealed) and a fun read, Dave. I thought I was going to be learning about violins! You might find enough material to write a sequel for this post: Who came up with the idea for dental floss and when? What percentage of cavities can we avoid if we floss? What percentage of the population can’t be bothered? And what else is dental floss good for? Might even be some floss-jokes out there. Who knew dental floss could liven up a mundane day in March?!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Floss was invented by a dentist in the early 1800s. I was hoping his last name was “Floss” but instead it’s Levi Spear Parmly (which isn’t nearly as fun of a fact 🙂 ) 

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I never would have guessed dental floss had been around so long. And you’re right: it really is too bad the inventor wasn’t Dr. Floss. (I did read somewhere about a dentist named Dr. Smiley!)

        Liked by 1 person

  11. You manage to take something mundane and write about it so entertainingly that it hardly seems mundane any more. Also, gold medal sentence piece: appropriately named “yuk”.

    Yuk, yuk, yuk! 😛

    Liked by 3 people

Comments are closed.