String Instrument

March is looking decidedly mundane, if the first five days are any indication. I’m still recovering from my St. David’s Day festivities on the 1st (more about that here) so I suppose it’s all downhill until April. Even so, the laundry is washed and folded, the dishes are done and put away, and it’s grey and rainy outside, so what could I possibly have to talk about today? Why, dental floss, of course!

Floss is even more mundane than my March to-date, yet there I stood, dwelling on the little nylon spool as I spun out another 18″ this morning. Snap off a length, wind tightly around the fingers, and commence the see-saw journey between and around each of your 28 pearlies (32 if you still have “wisdom”). It’s like you’re playing the smallest string instrument in the orchestra, and all you can contribute is the occasional enamel squeak.

Why do I wonder about floss?  So you don’t have to!  On the list of all activities considered “morning routine” you’re probably way more invested in brushing your teeth, washing your face, or even throwing on deodorant.  Flossing is the one where you stare into the mirror thinking, “Why can’t I text while I do this?”

Floss.  Looks weird and sounds weird, but it’s nothing more than a silky strand, at least in its original form.  Then Johnson & Johnson came up with the nylon alternative – much easier to manufacture in large quantities – and today’s product was born.  Waxed or unwaxed.  Mono or multi-filament.  Tape or picks.  Whatever your weapon against plaque and gingivitis, we’re all participating in pretty much the same activity.

“Candy Floss”

Candy floss is just another name for cotton candy.  Meat floss is a dried, fluffy version of Chinese pork (appropriately named “yuk”).  Floss is also an embroidery term, a town and river in Germany, and an awkward dance move where the arms swing rapidly behind and in front of the body.  But none of those are the first to come to mind when I say “floss”, right? 

Here’s what I want to know.  Why hasn’t someone made flossing more convenient in the 125+ years we’ve all been doing it?  Seriously, I’m picturing those little scrubbing bubbles zooming all over the porcelain of your bathtub, leaving it squeaky clean.  Couldn’t we have a similar product we swish around in our mouths?  It’d be like a dose of Pop Rocks, where you have a few moments of crackling and hissing in your mouth, followed by a rinse and spit.  Bye-bye plaque, no nylon required.

I didn’t manage to “habit” flossing until about age 25.  Before that I was too busy accumulating cavities.  I’m still trying to perfect the see-saw technique after all these years.  Scrape each tooth instead of just snapping up and down between them.  Rewind the floss a few times on your fingers so you’re not using the same inches on all of your teeth.  Floss before you brush.  Finally – the tough one for me – make flossing part of your evening routine, not your morning.

“Moon Graphite Grey Clean Slide”

Here’s the math (because I just have to know these things).  If I’ve really flossed every day since my mid-twenties, I’ve used over four miles of the stuff (or 20,000+ ft).  At 18″ per cleaning that’s countless little lengths.  But here’s another way to look at it.  A typical dispenser of floss contains 55 yards, meaning in almost forty years I’ve only purchased 128.  You could probably fit those dispensers into a single shoebox.  And at $1.29 per dispenser, the whole box only sets you back $165.

Until someone invents those edible scrubbing bubbles, I’ll keep filling up shoeboxes with empty floss dispensers.  My product is Reach; yours might be something more exotic like “Grin Fine Flosspyx” or “Boca Ela Mint”.  No matter how fancy the name, it’s just a piece of nylon string.  And until my March gets more exciting you’ll find me in front of the mirror each morning (er, evening), playing my little string instrument.

Some content sourced from Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

Dots ‘n’ Dashes

Back in my days in the Boy Scouts, they had a merit badge called “Signaling”. To earn the badge you had to build a basic communication device (buzzer, blinker) and demonstrate a knowledge of Semaphore – visual signaling by flags – and Morse – audible signaling by “dots” and “dashes”. Today most people wouldn’t have a clue about Semaphore, and their only familiarity with Morse might be from the frantic telegraph typing in the movie Titanic.  Dots ‘n’ dashes have stepped down, more associated with the mundane pavement markings of the streets we drive.  Well hey, at least they’re still signaling devices.

“Dashing through the… street…”

Let’s talk about street dashes first.  The highway to our rural neighborhood was recently restriped, mostly dashes but occasionally a solid for safety’s sake.  Some lanes were shifted, and they just covered up the old stripes with blackish paint similar to the asphalt below.  But my car was not fooled, no sir.  It still sees the old striping.  Anytime I pass over those areas my car’s “lane-keeping assist” emits an audible warning and tries to bump me back onto the road, when in fact I’m just passing over covered-up stripes.  That’s annoying.  Either car tech needs to improve or road striping needs to come up with a better cover.  Until one or the other happens I’m all over the road.

Here’s an even better story about dashes.  Long ago, my parents were driving my brothers and me back from my grandparents’ house.  We were cruising along a paved winding road late at night when all of a sudden my dad gets to wondering about those highway dashes.  He starts to guess – if you measured one, how long would a dash be?  Talk about useless information, right?  But then, right in the middle of a darkened highway, no cars in the rear-view mirror, my father stops the car, gets out, and starts measuring a dash, foot-in-front-of-foot like he’s taking a sobriety test.  Then he gets back into the car and announces proudly, “six feet”.  Think about that the next time you pass those stripes at forty miles an hour.  (But please, don’t get out and actually measure one).

California highways are usually dotted, not dashed.

Now let’s talk about street dots.  You know, those round, non-reflective raised pavement markers used to designate lanes and borders and such?  They’re actually called Botts’ dots.  It’s a name I’ve known since childhood because I grew up in California where they were invented.  California has over 25 million of the little guys marking its endless streets.  And if you must know, Botts’ dots were named for their inventor, Elbert Dysart Botts (and how’s that for a mouthful?)

Kinda cute, right?

Botts’ dots might’ve never been a thing were it not for their total makeover.  At first they were glass discs attached to the road with nails. (How’d you like to have that job?  Whack, whack, whack!).  But then they started popping loose, and people got flat tires from the nails and the broken glass.  So Botts (or a coworker) devised a hard plastic to replace the glass and an asphalt-friendly epoxy to replace the nails.  Now the dots – and the speeding cars above them – stay where they’re supposed to.

But now Botts’ dots have a whole new challenge.  We face a future with self-driving cars.  Turns out, Botts’ dots mess with that technology.  The car may or may not recognize a dot as the border of a lane.  That’s not good when you put your steering wheel in the hands of a robo-chauffeur.  But can you imagine the task of removing 25 million Botts’ dots?  That’s worse than hammering them in one by one!

Botts’ dots may go the way of the telegraph.

Over here in rural Colorado, I got pretty excited about the prospect of California surrendering all of its Botts’ dots.  We can use ’em.  You see, out here we have mostly two-lane highways divided by dashes, or occasionally solid lines instead of the dashes (don’t pass!), or very occasionally the luxury of a defined left-turn lane.  But “dash-it-all” when it snows.  You not only lose the striping, you lose the road.  At least a Bott’s dot would make noise and give you a jolt to let you know you’re not about to cruise into somebody’s cow pasture.

Alas, my dream of millions of Botts’ dots flying over the Rocky Mountains died before it was born.  Turns out the asphalt epoxy of a Botts’ dot cannot compete with the combined weight and speed of a snowplow.  The dots’d go flying every which way from the snowplow blade, like hundreds of tiny shuffleboard discs.  Ping! Ping! Ping!

Signaling merit badge was retired by the Boy Scouts in 1992 (yet another reminder of my advancing age).  Looks like the Botts’ dot is headed for a similar scrap heap, at least if self-driving cars become more mainstream.  Meanwhile, you’ll find me out in my neighborhood navigating the painted dashes.  Even if I do prefer the dots.

Some content sourced from Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.