Parked prominently within my wife’s impressive collection of teas are colorful boxes of English Breakfast and Irish Breakfast. The first is described as “expertly blended… a smooth classic” (strength: 4 tea leaves) while the second is “brilliantly blended… bold & robust” (3 tea leaves). Maybe those descriptions are right on the money but I’m a coffee drinker so what do I know? What do I know? I know I’d never let English breakfast or Irish breakfast anywhere near my dining table.
Sorry to disappoint but we’re not talking about tea at all today. Instead, we’re talking about the food that goes with the tea. Or rather, the food that should go with the tea. In my world, the sanctity of breakfast is second only to the cornucopia of the Thanksgiving meal. There’s a certain well-defined menu of dishes that screams BREAKFAST!!! and nobody in the Western Hemisphere (or at least, in the New World) would disagree. Even so, I must acknowledge the “illegal aliens”; the dishes that try to crash the morning party when they really belong on the lunch or dinner table. Or in the trash. Or at least on the other side of the Atlantic.
In its various forms, the full English breakfast starts out promising. You’ll find eggs, bacon, and sausage almost without fail; even hash browns on occasion. But the plate shatters after that. You have a tomato, cut in half, fried, and doused with salt and pepper. You have baked beans in tomato sauce (which aren’t even sweet the way Americans think of VanCamp’s or Bush’s). Finally, you have the horror known as black pudding, which can only be described through the hyperlink above instead of the words of this post, for fear I’ll lose my lunch – er, breakfast.
Unlike the teas, the full Irish breakfast is virtually identical to the full English, with the singular exception of white sausage instead of black. Again, the definition will remain behind hyperlinked for the sake of a clean keyboard. I was in Dublin on business years ago and took the “try anything once” approach with white pudding. Bad, bad, very bad decision.
If I were born in England or Ireland I probably wouldn’t rain on the breakfast parade on the other side of the pond. But here’s the thing: even if you like a savory tomato or “pudding” for breakfast, the entire plate is greasier than the wheel bearings in your car. There’s not even anything to mop up said grease (like the slices of dry toast we Americans prefer). I can’t imagine having much pep in my step after a weighty meal like this.
Denny’s is very helpful to reestablish breakfast order. If you walk into one of their restaurants and order the “Build Your Own Grand Slam”, you can construct your plate from four of the following: Eggs (7 different ways), pancakes (9 different), bacon (2), sausage, potatoes (3), toast (countless), muffin, biscuit, ham slice, or seasonal fruit. With all those combos you could eat breakfast at Denny’s every day of the year and no version would be the same as another. But more to the point, Denny’s offers breakfast items decidedly “All American”. Add in waffles, hot/cold cereal, baked goods, and hash browns, and you’re looking at everything deserving of the list.
American breakfast menus do include a few trendy alternatives these days (even at Denny’s). You can keep it simple with a fruit smoothie, breakfast sandwich, or avocado toast. These all-in-ones strike me more like convenience foods than full breakfasts. Yes, you paint yourself a little healthier just for ordering them. But let’s hang in there a few generations and see if they still show up on breakfast menus. More likely they’ll just be memories the way porridge or salted meats have become breakfast history.
For the record, my wife’s English and Irish tea boxes sit largely untouched, except for the few bags she’s brewed. They’re untouched for good reason. Just the words on the box have me thinking of tomatoes, baked beans, and pudding. Someone bring me a blueberry waffle stat.
Some content sourced from the CNN Travel article, “The Full English: How a greasy feast came to define and divide a nation”, and Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.
Life In A Word 
Excellent post title. I used to drink tea more often when my Australian friend was here, but I’ve become an avid coffee drinker since she went back to AU. Nevertheless, this post inspired me to heat up a cup of mint tea. If I were at your house, I would happily partake of your wife’s tea, if she allowed it. I wish I had those two in my cupboard. I like them both.
As to the breakfasts, we honeymooned in Ireland and were regularly served both white and black misnamed pudding. I, too, of am the opinion that I’ll try everything. I also don’t like to waste food, so it was a double whammy of “eat it!” The black pudding was decidedly gross. The white was better, but still not great. Only later did we learn what we were eating.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent honeymoon location. We loved everything about Ireland except… breakfast, of course. Oh, and the lack of vegetables (other than “root”). Towards the end of our trip we were dying for a fresh salad.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Funny that I can’t remember any other meals there besides breakfast. And our attempt to drink a Guinness, because, when in Ireland, right?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I assume you had your Guinness at the Storehouse in Dublin? My wife is not a beer drinker, but she actually polished off a half-pint at the Storehouse because our tour guide convinced her there’s nothing like the taste of Guinness right there in Ireland. I would agree with that!
LikeLike
We were in Dingle, actually, for the Guinness Experience.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love a good “Full English Breakfast.” I found in England that if you tell the restaurant that your American, they’ll leave off the black pudding. I drink a lot of black tea — a tea box in my house isn’t likely to survive more than a month.
and so far, I haven’t been able to tell the difference between Irish Breakfast Tea and English Breakfast Tea other than the name and color of the box. They taste the same.
LikeLiked by 1 person
English Breakfast and Irish Breakfast taste the same? Ha – so much for those rather bold descriptions. And thanks for the advice on dining at English restaurants. That’ll make breakfast a little more appetizing the next time we’re over there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wait, porridge is breakfast history? I eat it all the time!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A quaint word for “oatmeal”, right? Goldilocks certainly agrees. Maybe you belong in a former generation!
LikeLike
I agree with every word! When we were in the UK, all I wanted for breakfast was a sweet pastry with my coffee, but a gooey cinnamon roll, glazed donut, or apple fritter were no where to be found! However, baked beans, black pudding and weird sausages were everywhere!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I suppose I could’ve added a little perspective to my topic. Giving up my American breakfast for another chance to see the UK? I do it in a heartbeat 🙂
LikeLike
I like both of those teas, but hadn’t thought about a full English breakfast in years. Not sure I could stomach that now but when I was in college studying in England I adored them. Although ours had kippers instead of black pudding now that I think about it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would give kippers a try, and I’d probably enjoy them since I’m a fan of smoked fish. But I’ve had my last taste of “pudding” forever!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I chuckled at this. Since my daughter lived there for 5 years, she grew to like the breakfast. When we ate out, I gladly gave her my black pudding. Why is it called, “pudding,” when it is really a sausage? I have to be honest, I didn’t even try it. I’m with you on the tomato and beans, not sure why those were added. The beans make me think of American hot dogs, not for breakfast. LOL I do LOVE their bread for toasting. It has a certain quality that is perfect for jam/butter. Oh, and lately, not sure why, but I’ve been drinking Tetley tea, a huge tea pot full. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person