Tag: Nutella

The Game of the Name

When our youngest granddaughter was born last year, I wouldn’t have guessed her first name was the most popular among newborn girls in the U.S.  Olivia is the current front-runner (and Liam for boys), as it has been for the last six years. Emma sits firmly in second place (and Noah) – also on a six-year streak – while Amelia (and Oliver) takes third. It’s nice to see the use of “normal” names in this day and age because you’ve got to admit; some really odd ones float around out there.  But there’s another list of baby names you probably don’t know about: the ones you’re not allowed to use.

Two or three generations ago, the topic of baby naming wouldn’t have made for interesting reading.  Back then parents defaulted to monikers from their family tree or from the Bible.  In the decade of my birth for example (the 1960s), the most popular names for boys were Michael, David, John, and James.  Compare those to today’s “trendy” choices: Truce, Colsen, Bryer, and Halo. (Colsen aside, I’d be hard-pressed to guess the gender of any of the others.)

At least Halo is legal.  The U.S. Constitution protects a parent’s right to name their child, yet the courts still came up with a not-an-option list.  Including the following:

  1. King
  2. Queen
  3. Jesus Christ
  4. III
  5. Santa Claus
  6. Majesty
  7. Adolph Hitler
  8. Messiah
  9. @
  10. 1069

Right off the bat you can understand why most of these would cause problems.  If your baby’s name is “King” I’m looking for his bejeweled crown.  If your baby’s name is “Jesus Christ” I’m looking for a crown of a different sort.  As for Santa Claus, the courts in Miracle on 34th Street may have determined he and Kris Kringle were one and the same but let’s be honest: Nobody south of the North Pole should be named Santa Claus.

“III” and “1069” require a little more explanation.  Both are examples from real court cases where persons decided a numeral or number were preferable to their given name (seriously?)  But the courts denied both petitions, deciding numerals and numbers fall more appropriately into the category of “symbol” than “name”.  The same can be said of the @ sign, which better belongs in your email address than in your signature block.

U.S. federal guidelines seem sensible enough but the individual states add more rules.  Consider New York, where your first name can be no longer than 30 characters, while in Arizona it can be up to 45.  Rhode Island won”t allow you to put an accent above any character.  In New Mexico you can’t name your baby boy “Baby Boy” (nor your baby girl “Baby Girl”).  And in Arkansas you can’t name your child “Test” or “Void” because they wreak havoc with the state computer systems.

The game of the name is not unique to the United States.  Indeed, the lists of illegal names in other countries include some really creative ones.  Here are my favorites:

  • “Thor” – Portugal banned this one but only because they don’t consider Thor to be a word in the Portuguese language.
  • “IKEA” or “Ikea” – Banned in Sweden (of course!)
  • “Judas”, “Cain”, etc. – Switzerland doesn’t wish to promote the Bible’s bad guys.
  • “Fish” and “Chips” – New Zealand decided no child deserves either of these names alongside his or her twin.
  • “Spinach” – Australia said no to the green veggie, probably also warning the parents that just because spinach is good for you doesn’t mean your child will also be.

Considering what my granddaughter could’ve been named I’m glad her parents went with Olivia, even if she is one Olivia among many.  At least her name need not be contested in court… like the French couple who wanted their child to be named “Nutella” and were promptly denied.  They did settle on “Ella” – which is nice enough (and maybe her cutesy nickname will be “Nut”) – but if I were that crazy about Nutella I would’ve just gone with “Hazel”.

Some content sourced from the Parents.com website article, “32 Illegal Baby Names You Might Want To Keep Off Your List”, and Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

The Sweets Life

“Pagina Non Trovata” has the look of an elegant Italian phrase (or an opera title), until translation and context reveal its harsh reality. The phrase means “page not found”, which in my instance referred to a (former) on-line job posting for Italian candy company Ferrero. My punishment for seeking the advertisement two months after the fact? Ferrero, the second largest chocolate/confectionery company in the world, is (was) looking for sixty taste-testers – “sensory judges” if you will – to offer opinions on its products. O.M.Gee I wish I’d seen this sooner.  Instead, I won’t be one of the chosen few because, well, “page not found”.

Let’s ponder this (past) job opportunity for a paragraph, shall we?  Ferrero is (was) searching the world for several “average consumers”, who would (will now) get paid to eat chocolate.  “No experience necessary”, they claimed (otherwise by definition you aren’t an average consumer).  The only real requirement, absent food allergies, is (was) a willingness to move to northwest Italy, which darn-it-all means France and Switzerland are just as easy to visit.  Ferrero gives (gave) three months of paid training, followed by an offer to join the company as a part-time taster. “Part-time” in Italy translates to maybe a) second job, or probably b) la dolce vita (“the sweet life”, which definitely does not include a job).  Ferrero’s job is akin to unwrapping a bar of chocolate and finding a Wonka golden ticket.

If Ferrero created run-of-the-mill chocolates, searching late on their job opp wouldn’t be such a tragedy.  But Ferrero makes Ferrero Rocher (of course they do), those gold-foiled balls of decadent chocolate and hazelnuts.  They also make Mon Cheri, those pink-foiled chocolate cubes filled with cherries and sweet liqueur.  They even make Tic-Tac’s for gosh sakes, the boxed pill-like mints all-the-rage when I was a kid.  And finally, their pièce de résistance (or in Italy, “piu degno de nota”), on which the entire company was founded over sixty years ago, Ferrero makes Nutella.

Maybe it was half-hearted reading up to now, but mention Nutella and most people really sit up and listen.  I’m convinced Ferrero puts a secret something into Nutella to make consumers crave hazelnut chocolate spread all the more (bolstering the theory Starbucks does the same with its coffee drinks).  Why else would shoppers storm a small store – and engage in a brawl – when the Nutella stock was discounted 50% (see video here)?  Which leads to an even nuttier question: why have I never tried Nutella myself?

Nuts+chocolate equals killer-combination – I get that.  Give me a basket of Halloween candy and I’ll fish out all the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.  Offer me thirty-one flavors at Baskin-Robbins and I’ll easily short-list peanut-butter-and-chocolate.  Sell me M&M’s at the movie theater and I’ll always choose peanut over plain.  But in all my examples, I’m talking peanuts, not hazelnuts.  Nutella spread is new territory for me, which means I’m the perfect candidate for Ferrero’s job. I have no experience with hazelnuts.

The more I read about my future employer, the more I’m impressed with their credentials.  Ferrero buys 25% of the world’s hazelnut production (and fittingly, acquired the world’s largest hazelnut producer four years ago).  They employ 40,000 candy-men and women in a network of 38 trading companies and 18 factories.  Ferrero keeps its recipes under lock-and-key, never letting the press into its facilities nor hosting a press conference, and always engineering its own production equipment.  A recent survey labeled Ferrero “the most reputable company in the world“.

As if I need a clincher to make this decision, last January Ferrero acquired the Nestle’s company’s candy division.  Holy cowbells.  On top of Nutella, I get to taste-test Sweetarts and Butterfingers and Laffy Taffy and the decadent Nestle’s Crunch (silver-foiled chocolate with a generous helping of crisped rice)?  Why even pay me?

I could do this job.  The more I think about it the more I’m convinced Ferrero needs 61 sensory judges.  I’m just (fashionably) late to the party.  All I need to do is brush up on my college Italian (no joke; I spent a year in Rome back then), convince my wife that our dogs, cats, and horses would be next to heaven in northwest Italy, and promptly board the next Alitalia flight.  Sweet life – er, dolce vita – here I come!

Some content sourced from Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”, and the USA Today article, “Dream Job: Italy’s Nutella maker seeks 60 taste-testers…”