Hello, I’m Veronica
The sky is not completely dark at night. Were the sky absolutely dark, one would not be able to see the silhouette of an object against the sky.
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Friends in Pro Places
A few weeks ago I went to the dentist. While he put in a new crown we went through a few family updates. Off the top of his head he mentioned something specific about each of my kids, which made me realize just how well he knows me. Then again, he should. I’ve been showing up at his door every six months for the past twenty years.
Each of us has a different definition of “friend”. People enter/exit our lives or they stay for the long haul, but at some point they enter a more intimate circle defined as friendship. Friendship circles are tight or loose, filled or sparse, alike or diverse, but no matter which they contain individuals we hold with our unique sense of esteem. We revere these people.
One friendship circle less obvious than others is the professionals we choose. For instance, I have an appointment today with my hair stylist. I will get in my car, drive forty minutes to his salon, and spend another forty minutes in his company. My stylist is about my age and South Korean. He’s been cutting my hair for over twenty years. In that time he’s worked at a mall-based salon, switched to a local one, and then two years ago he started his own salon with his sister. He knows how to cut hair so I follow him wherever he goes.
Here’s the point. Early on in our relationship I merely trusted my stylist with the cutting of my hair. He quickly figured me out (the male straight-hair cut is no rocket science). Our conversations matured from sports and headlines to the raising of our children and being fathers. Suddenly I was seeking his input on life as we moved from our thirties to our forties to our fifties.
Today I can (and do) talk to my stylist about anything and everything. There’s not much I wouldn’t share with him. He is similarly comfortable with me. One day while driving I absentmindedly did the math. Once-a-month visits. Forty minutes per visit. Twenty years. Astonishingly I realized I’ve visited his salon almost 250 times! We’ve spent almost 160 hours together. That’s a lot of time chatting with one person. That’s enough to give him a page in my book of friends.
Not every professional creates the template for friendship, but there are plenty of good examples. My eye doctor (again, twenty years) gets an annual update on my family, as I do on his. My chiropractor and I have a ten-minute conversation every eight weeks while he makes my back sing. Even my banker, who spends a couple of hours with my wife and I every six months, begins his meetings on a personal note.
The next time you’re in the presence of one of your “regulars”, take a moment to do the math. You may discover you’ve confided in this person more than you realize. Instead of opening the door to your friendship circle and letting them in, you may notice they’re already there.
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Space Invader
Last week my family and I were on the road, heading west to Los Angeles. One morning we stopped for breakfast just short of the California state line. As I was paying and the cashier handed back my receipt, I asked her, “so… how’s your day going today?” She gave me a wary smile and replied “f-i-n-e…”. Then she looked at me a little more carefully and asked back (with no small amount of curiosity), “where you from, anyway?” And that’s when it hit me – I had invaded her personal space. At least, the big-city version of personal space.
Take a step back and assess the town you live in. You’ll quickly decide whether you live in the “small” or the “big” variety. I’m not talking about physical size (though size does matter – ha). No, I’m talking about the chemistry of the place, and how you interact with the people around you.
I live in a rural area, and the surrounding towns are not much bigger than “one-street”. And here’s what I observe. People wave to each other from their cars or when walking on the road. People take face-to-face moments – however small – to have conversation. People gather at the local establishments to catch up with each other. The “hometown” parades and festivals and meals still draw decent crowds.
The big city – for all its energy and activities and diversity – is much more insular at the individual level. Its residents seek the comfort of their personal space, whether that is defined as neighborhood or house or even electronic device (personal space guaranteed by headphones and music). Indeed, retreat to personal space in the big city is a survival tactic – a stab at decompression and calm after the hectic hours on the sidewalk or in the car or office.
Be careful if you assume I favor small-town over big-city – far from it. I simply observe the outward differences as well as the inward coping mechanisms. In small towns we tend to have only one of everything (i.e. Mexican restaurant, Starbucks, dry cleaner). In big cities the choices are so vast that choosing Chipotle over the several local options feels like selling yourself short. As my big-city brother so succinctly puts it: small-town means opening the newspaper to see what there is to do, while big-city means deciding what you want to do; then opening the newspaper to see where it’s happening.
Small-town interactions fill the void of perhaps too much time in isolation. Big-city personal spaces ease the stress of perhaps too much time in the crowds. Hence it’s interesting to flip the dynamic every now and then, as I did with my breakfast cashier. She was comfortable in her personal space until I invaded with my casual question. And maybe just for a moment, she let down her distrust guard and realized I was simply interested in how her day was going.
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Steal a Card, Any Card
Imagine a carefree Saturday at the mall. You’re shopping with friends for something you really need, or maybe it’s just a little retail therapy. Whatever the reason, the shopping and the purchases make for an enjoyable afternoon. In fact, you’re so satisfied you decide to add on dinner afterwards at a nearby restaurant. All in all a great day, until you wake up the next morning and discover a fraudulent purchase on your credit card. Even more disturbing, you realize the waiter at the restaurant was the odds-on criminal.
My mall story is not hypothetical but actual. My family and I went shopping last weekend, and within twenty-four hours of our purchases we were victims of credit card fraud. What is most aggravating to me is the basic chain of events that points to the nefarious waiter at the restaurant where we dined. Why him? Out of a dozen purchases that day, the restaurant was the only location where the credit card transaction took place out of my sight. Instead of the several point-of-sale mall transactions, the restaurant – as is typical – carried my card away alongside the bill, to be processed somewhere out of sight. Also, the fraudulent purchase the following day was made at the department store adjacent to the restaurant. It’s an easy-as-pie theory on what went down.
My experience begs the question: why do credit card companies include all of the critical information right on the card? Write down (or phone-photo) the name of the cardholder, the sixteen-digit card number, the expiration date of the card, and the three-digit “Card Verification Value” (CVV), and you’re all set to assume the purchasing identity of someone else.
Google Authenticator, which sends a verification code to your phone that is required for login to certain apps, creates a secondary level of security that would significantly decrease credit card fraud. At the least, cardholders should be given a piece of data separate from what is printed on the card, so only they have every last piece of the purchasing puzzle.
Fortunately, credit card fraud is an inconvenience instead of an unexpected financial setback. My bank simply reimburses the amount in dispute, cancels the card, and issues me a new one. I can live with that (unless I owned the credit card company). What I can’t live with is the thieves who work the system. Thus did I send a note to the restaurant manager. I did not directly accuse the waiter as I really have no proof. But I did provide enough detail that perhaps the manager will track the activities of his employees a little closer. My hope is that he discovers the criminal among his otherwise trustworthy staff.
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Fallen Arches
We have a McDonald’s in the middle of our small Colorado town. The restaurant has been expanded over the years, to include double wrap-around drive-thru lanes and a “PlayPlace” for the kids. At some point in time, demand pushed the hours of operation to 7/24. So imagine my surprise last Saturday night around 6:30pm, when I passed by and didn’t see a single car – not one! – in either of the drive-thru lanes. Apparently my town is not “lovin’ it” so much these days.
The truth is, the fast food times they are a-changin’ and McDonald’s is struggling to move on from its burger-n-fries roots. It’s hard enough to compete with the Panera’s and Chipotle’s and other “healthy” alternatives. In this game, McDonald’s is either venerable or outdated – take your pick.
Growing up in California, the go-to fast-food restaurants were McDonald’s, Jack-in-the-Box, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. Not many weeks went by where my family didn’t make it to at least one of the three. In high school, my brother and I worked in a McDonald’s that drew busloads of patrons from the nearby interstate, and hundreds more from the adjacent movie theater. The lines to the counter would stretch into the seating area; a fury of a demand for fast-food. But my how times have changed. A few weeks ago I was shocked to discover another neighborhood McDonald’s had closed down completely. That’s no one-off; McDonald’s is shutting down hundreds of restaurants across the globe as part of a renewed corporate strategy.
I never thought I’d see the day where I question the long-term future of McDonald’s. Health magazine recently published a list of “America’s Top Ten Healthiest Fast Food Restaurants” – http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20435301,00.html – and McDonald’s lands comfortably at #8. Dig deeper however and you’ll find the telling comment: “although McDonald’s made our list, this is still the land of supersizing and giant sodas.”
McDonald’s is trying new approaches to gain market share, and I’m not just talking new menu items (although “garlic fries” are fighting for a spot). In several of its Texas restaurants, McDonald’s is testing “fresh beef” instead of the “flash frozen” it has used for decades. McDonald’s also sponsored a nutrition push in schools, but their message of portion control couldn’t overcome their burger-and-fries stereotype, so they cancelled the program. McDonald’s latest proposed slogan is “The Simpler the Better”, but that’s more about a streamlined menu and faster service. It’s makeup instead of the face lift they really need.
I have a soft spot for McDonald’s because it was my first formal paycheck. I worked the grill and dressed the burgers and wore the uniform with pride. But I can’t tell you the last time I hit a McDonald’s drive-thru, let alone walked into the restaurant. Even the recent “all-day breakfast” campaign isn’t bringing me back. Yes, we all still “deserve a break today”, but it may be time to finally dim the lights on the golden arches.
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Humble and Kind
This week’s list of “Hot Country Songs” – according to Billboard – includes Tim McGraw’s Humble and Kind; an easy waltz with timeless lyrics. A glance at other songs on the list finds the more typical topics of country music: fishing, hunting, lost love, found love, even t-shirts. But Humble and Kind digs a whole lot deeper. It’s a virtuous dose of substance in a music genre that often settles for less.
Humble and Kind sings about several examples of doing the right thing, like holding doors for others and minding your manners. But the following verses are more insightful and are my favorites:
When the dreams you’re dreamin’ come to you, When the work you put in is realized, Let yourself feel the pride but, Always stay humble and kind.
Don’t take for granted the love this life gives you, When you get where you’re goin’ don’t forget turn back around, And help the next one in line, Always stay humble and kind.
Humility and kindness are virtues by definition. If you time-traveled back to 400 AD, you’d meet the Roman Christian poet Aurelius Prudentius (great name). “Aury” came up with the “Seven Heavenly Virtues” and the list remains unchanged to this day. The first five are Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, and Patience. The last two are Humility and Kindness. If you lived your life according to the list, the pearly gates would swing wide when you arrive. But let’s be real – how many of us can check the boxes next to all seven virtues by the time we climb that final staircase?
Humility (Latin: humilitas) is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. Kindness (Latin: benevolentia) is charity, compassion, and friendship for its own sake.
Ponder the final words of those definitions for a second. It’s not so much what you do (or don’t do) but more what your intentions are. Don’t show me things you’ve done that qualify as “humble” and “kind”. Instead, consider whether you had a hidden agenda with your actions. And that’s the kicker with the virtues game – it’s not only how others judge you but also how you judge yourself. Still think you can check the boxes?
Humble and Kind inspired a pay-it-forward movement you can learn more about at http://stayhumbleandkind.com . You’ll find all kinds of inspiring entries on the website – over eighty in the four months since the song was released. Click on any of the photos and you’ll get the story behind the good intentions. You can even request small printed cards that say #StayHumbleAndKind – meant to be left behind after you complete your acts of anonymous goodwill.
Ironically, some of Tim McGraw’s biggest country hits are about fishing (“Don’t Take the Girl” – 1994), love (“Just to See You Smile – 1997) and t-shirts (“Something Like That – 1999). But like our virtuous Roman Christian Aury, Tim and his writers step it up to poetry every now and then. Humble and Kind made it to #1 on Billboard’s “Hot Country Songs” last month. This week’s list has it at #4. Frankly, I hope it hangs on for awhile and gets a ton of airplay. The world can learn a lot from its seemingly simple words.
Some content sourced from Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.
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The sky is not completely dark at night. Were the sky absolutely dark, one would not be able to see the silhouette of an object against the sky.
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