Tuesday’s Child

Passing through another anniversary of the events of 9/11 this week, I was touched by a YouTube short of U.S. Marines demonstrating the proper method of folding the American flag. The video includes gentle background music but no words, lending reverence to the ceremony. Folding the Stars and Stripes the right way is not only a nod of respect to our nation’s banner, but also an example of (flag) etiquette.
 
One of my favorite memories of my late mother was her ability to gently but effectively prod her sons to behave properly.  She would sometimes say quietly, “Mind your manners”, which meant two things.  One, something in our current behavior wasn’t in sync with how she raised us; and two, we would get a talking to later.  “Please” and “thank you” barely scratched the surface of how my brothers and I were expected to carry ourselves back then.
 
I’ve always thought of manners and etiquette as one in the same, but the former is a subset of the latter.  Etiquette is “the set of norms of personal behavior in polite society”, while manners are simply behaviors deemed “good” or “bad”.  An example of both is the way we drive our cars.  We’re taught the rules of the road, also known as “driving etiquette”.  But when we blatantly ignore those rules by, say, refusing to let a car merge onto the interstate in front of us, we’re letting bad manners get the better of etiquette.
 
Manners always remind me of a book my grandparents encouraged us to read whenever we visited: Gelette Burgess’ 1903 classic The Goops (and How To Be Them).  Here’s an example of Goop behavior in Burgess’ poetry, simply titled “In Table”:
 
Why is it Goops must always wish
To touch each apple on the dish?
Why do they never neatly fold
Their napkins until they are told?
 
Why do they play with food, and bite
Such awful mouthfuls?  Is it right?
Why do they tilt back in their chairs?
Because they’re Goops!  So no one cares!
 
My mother probably labeled us Goops at one time or another, because my brothers and I were all about fingering our food or talking with food in our mouths or rocking back in our chairs.  It’s a wonder we developed any manners at all.  Maybe it’s because our mother’s parenting was fueled by a finishing school of sorts: her college sorority, where a premium was placed on etiquette.
 
Alpin Videmanette
Finishing schools, designed to “teach young women social graces as preparation for entry into society”, are something of an outdated concept now, at least in America.  You can still find a few “charm schools” in Europe, such as Switzerland’s prestigious Institut Alpin Videmanette – (whose teenage graduates included Lady Diana Spencer).  The Institut teaches young women to cook, make dresses, speak French, and even ski, but at its core, the curriculum is an education in etiquette.
 
Emily Post

The undisputed authority on etiquette, Emily Post, wrote several books and newspaper columns on the topic.  In the America of her lifetime (1872-1960) Post’s first etiquette book became a bestseller because it catered to “the country’s exotic mix of immigrants… eager to fit in with the establishment”.  I suggest most of Post’s etiquette is as relevant today as it was back then… and a lot of us could use an extensive refresher.

Always pass them together!
Besides the Goops, etiquette reminds me of an old poem teaching children the days of the week. “Monday’s Child” goes like this:
 
Monday’s child is fair of face,
Tuesday’s child is full of grace,
Wednesday’s child is full of woe,
Thursday’s child has far to go,
Friday’s child is loving and giving,
Saturday’s child works hard for a living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day, Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.
 
Google tells me I was born on a Monday.  Darn it, so close.  If I was Tuesday’s Child I’d be defined as “… agreeable, refined, and polite in manner or behavior.”  In other words, demonstrating a solid understanding of etiquette.
 
The next time you’re standing on an escalator, step to the right to let those in a hurry pass by.  The next time you play golf, stay out of the line of sight when your opponent putts.  The next time you’re at the movies, don’t utter a word until the final credits roll.  And the next time you fold the flag, do it the way the Marines do. After all, you’d rather be credited with following the rules of etiquette than perceived as having bad manners.
 

Some content sourced from Wikipedia, “the free encyclopedia”.

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Author: Dave

Five hundred posts would suggest I have something to say… This blog was born from a desire to elevate the English language, highlighting eloquent words from days gone by. The stories I share are snippets of life itself, and each comes with a bonus: a dusted-off word I hope you’ll go on to use more often. Read “Deutschland-ish Improvements” to learn about my backyard European wish list. Try “Slush Fun” for the throwback years of the 7-Eleven convenience store. Or drink in "Iced Coffee" to discover the plight of the rural French cafe. On the lighter side, read "Late Night Racquet Sports" for my adventures with our latest moth invasion. As Walt Whitman said, “That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” Here then, my verse. Welcome to Life In A Word.

29 thoughts on “Tuesday’s Child”

  1. I remember flag folding training at our Boy Scout troop. Decades later my older brother and I had received my father’s flag (father was a WWII vet) and displayed it at his memorial. After the service we spent a good half hour trying to remember our flag folding lessons – a little embarrassing as my brother had just retired from the National Guard and like me was having trouble remembering how to start it.

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    1. I learned the proper fold in the Boy Scouts as well. It always bothers me there’s a little left over after the triangle folds but I guess you just tuck it under like the Marines did. A flag to honor your father’s service – that’s awesome.

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      1. Any American service veteran who dies is entitled to receive a flag from the VA. My father died in a VA hospital so they just sent one along with his body to the funeral home. We displayed it during the service and I bought a case for it and now it sits in my office.

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    1. Don’t get me started on (lack of) driving etiquette, Neil. We’re only getting worse with the running of red lights, too – everybody in such a hurry. I’m sure any one of us could write a long, long blog on this utterly frustrating topic.

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  4. I enjoyed the flag folding. We have friends who served during Vietnam and flying the flag is an important daily routine for them.
    My husband still ‘bristles’ when he sees men who don’t remove their hat when they enter a house or restaurant.

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    1. I knew about escalator etiquette on the moving walkways at the airport (with signs to remind you) but didn’t realize the same applied to escalators. I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m on one!

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  7. I’m a child full of grace here. Not to rub it in, you Monday child! Flag etiquette is one of those topics that makes me snarl. Around here people fly the US flag from a holder placed on the backside of their mailbox posts. Meaning that the flag points toward the house, instead of the street. It looks stupid. Historically you follow a flag into battle, your colors leading the way, BUT not here. We figuratively impale ourselves on the flag pointing at us. 🤨

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    1. The flag pointing backwards – UGH! I could’ve spent the whole post on flag etiquette, with a dozen examples of how we ignore it. But then you might not have known you were destined to be full of grace. Glad to be of service. As for me, I’ll settle for good-looking 😉

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  11. Reading about your late mother’s influence on you and your brothers makes me think of my late mother as well Dave. Mom drilled into me that “you’re welcome” should be my response to anyone who thanked me … to this day I utter that phrase automatically thanks to Mom. I can remember the department store Montgomery Wards had a charm school you could have your teenaged daughter attend. It was called “Wendy Ward Charm School” and was popular in the 60s and 70s. I never attended it. I am sure parents these days think their children are as genteel as they are (but that is hardly the case, nor are the parents well-mannered either, so what example is set)? People seem to have lost the art of kindness and courtesy and hide behind profiles on social media to participate in scathing verbal confrontations. Even comments on newspaper articles spew vitriol. Our driving situation in SE Michigan is out of hand … no one is willing to give a little and we have so many crashes with folks going through stop signs, stop lights, speeding, going the wrong way or having road rage and using a gun. Our road rage incidents have skyrocketed and often end up with innocent people dying – it’s like the Wild Wild West out there anymore. P.S. – I’m Saturday’s child (works hard for a living).

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    1. It’s interesting to me how manners have become an endearing memory of my mother, because she could be a small but mighty terror when it came to raising her sons. However, to your point, well-mannered people are harder to find these days so now I appreciate my mother’s efforts far more than I did back in the day. As for etiquette, it’s sad how people break the rules (written or unwritten) simply because they realize there aren’t consequences for doing so. It’s the very definition of disrespect.

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      1. Disrespect is all around us Dave – it is sad. I forgot to add to my initial comment that my father was German and Europeans eat everything with a knife and fork. My father made me eat everything using a knife and fork at a very early age and between that and my mother with “no elbow on the table please” and learning to curtsy as a child … who needed charm school?

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  13. Great post, with a little of everything – very clever how you tie everything in 🙂
    Funny thing, I have always thought I was a Tuesday’s Child, so I looked it up and it turns out I am a Monday’s Child.
    and yes, yes, yes, we need more manners in the world!!
    Blessings to you!

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    1. “Charming” might be a stretch but well-mannered is not, all thanks to my mother. There was no escaping her high standards, for which I completely agree with your final comment 🙂

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  15. I remember the copy of Emily Post on a bookshelf in the home where I grew up. And I remember my mother instructing me on the proper placement of silverware when setting the table, as well as her insistence that the bed be made first thing each morning. When I would err in some of the niceties of life, she would say in a joking voice “Ain’t ya got no fetchin’ up?” or “Were you raised in a barn?”

    To this day, I try to practice my “please, thank you, you’re welcome”, holding the door for ladies, and lots of other customs that seem to have gone out of style.

    I was not familiar with The Gumps, but they remind me a lot of Goofus and Gallant from the pages of Highlights Magazine when I was a kid. Those always caused me trouble – I knew that Goofus was a jerk, but Gallant seemed like a brown-noser. 🙂

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    1. Goofus and Gallant, wow, there’s a throwback memory. We always fought over the Highlights mags at the doctors’ offices. I recall they had some pretty good puzzles in them. And my dad loved to use “Were you born in a barn?” on his sons. Probably helped he actually had a barn on the modest homestead where he was raised.

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