Day (After Day) Drinking

In the refrigerator of the beach house where my family and I vacation every summer, you’ll find an extensive collection of aging condiments. With different people in the house almost every week, the mustards, ketchups, salsas and spreads breed at an alarming rate. And the beverages aren’t far behind. Forage past the wine and beer bottles and you encounter all sorts of curious cans and contents. One in particular tempted me this time around but I couldn’t muster the courage to take a sip. I mean, would you try something called “Liquid Death”?

If you’re already familiar with Liquid Death, you know the joke’s on me.  Liquid Death (“Murder Your Thirst!”) is nothing but drinking water, carefully sourced, packaged in a can covered with horror-movie graphics.  The company believes their distinctive can means a) one less plastic bottle into landfill and b) one more serving of water into you (instead of something less healthy).  Liquid Death also cans flavored sparkling waters and iced teas, and – no joke – invites you to sell your soul to the company.  The company’s sales are no joke either – $130 million last year alone.

Liquid Death is one of countless examples of “packaged water” available to consumers these days.  Since 2017, Americans are quaffing more bottled water than any other drink.  86% of us purchase water regularly, in addition to the H2O we drink from our faucets.  Why?  Because we’re waking up to the downsides of the sugar/chemical concoction known as the “soft drink”.  We’re also subscribing to the belief we’re healthier if we drink more water.  Finally, single/double/triple-serving containers appeal to us because we’ve already become so conditioned to them, thanks to… Starbucks.

Here’s a story to prove the statistics hold water.  At a volleyball tournament in Atlanta last weekend, I ventured to the nearby snack stand to buy a drink.  The cashier invited me to fish around in his giant coolers for whatever I wanted.  What I wanted was water, but all I could find were dozens of neglected bottles of soft drinks, “sports drinks”, and energy drinks.  So I asked the cashier, “What, no water?”, to which he replied, “Oh, we sold out of the waters hours ago”.

The new “drinking fountain”

Then I went in search of a drinking fountain and couldn’t find one in the entire arena.  Drinking fountains are quickly going the way of pay phones.  In their places: dispensers designed to fill your personal bottle.  I’m on board with this trend, especially because it reduces the use of plastic.  But don’t forget your water bottle like I did or you’ll be forced to settle for one of those more colorful concoctions.

Lest you think otherwise, the bottled waters dominating the marketplace are brought to you by the same companies behind soft drinks.  Accordingly, Dasani = Coca-Cola, Aquafina = PepsiCo, and Poland Spring = Nestlé.  On the other hand, Arrowhead is only Arrowhead water, as is Evian’s natural spring variety (and whether “Evian” is intentionally “naive” spelled backwards is for you to decide).

We’ve taken water one step further now.  Into our personal water bottles, tumblers, and jugs we add “flavor enhancers”, designed to a) give us more of what we lack (ex. electrolytes) or b) encourage us to drink more water by adding flavor.  Crystal Light and Gatorade set this tone years ago.  Today we choose from a dizzying array of powders, drops, and tablets, all designed to make water more appealing.  But if we’re thirsty, shouldn’t water be appealing enough just the way it is?

A final sip of this subject.  The average person has thirty-five “beverage occasions” a week.  With each occasion you choose the container, contents, and quantity of whatever you’re going to drink.  So even if your every day begins with a “Venti half-soy nonfat decaf latte” and ends with a fruit-forward, moderately dry Cabernet Sauvignon, you still have twenty-one other occasions for a tall drink of water.  Liquid Death, anyone?

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Author: Dave

Five hundred posts would suggest I have something to say… This blog was born from a desire to elevate the English language, highlighting eloquent words from days gone by. The stories I share are snippets of life itself, and each comes with a bonus: a dusted-off word I hope you’ll go on to use more often. Read “Deutschland-ish Improvements” to learn about my backyard European wish list. Try “Slush Fun” for the throwback years of the 7-Eleven convenience store. Or drink in "Iced Coffee" to discover the plight of the rural French cafe. On the lighter side, read "Late Night Racquet Sports" for my adventures with our latest moth invasion. As Walt Whitman said, “That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” Here then, my verse. Welcome to Life In A Word.

38 thoughts on “Day (After Day) Drinking”

    1. Me to Margy, until we lived in Colorado. The altitude and low humidity demanded more attention to water, so it seemed I always carried a container with me. We’re not drinking as much down here in South Carolina, but the habit persists.

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  4. First, loving the puns! Second, sell your soul? Yikes. This company is messed up. I will not partake. Third, crazy about all the water, flavorings, etc. And that really stinks about not having a normal drinking fountain! People surely lose or leave behind their water bottles frequently. What a bummer.

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    1. The deeper you dig into Liquid Death’s website, the more you’re like, “Who ARE these people?” I know it’s just water but the company behind it does make you pause, especially when they go to great lengths to explain how selling your soul is legally binding. And yes, the least the water dispenser companies could do is add paper cups. I’m too vain to cup my hands.

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    1. There was a time when I would’ve questioned your doctor’s advice, but I’ve read too many articles about water standards of certain cities falling below “healthy” levels. Our water comes from a well, which also isn’t perfect but at least there’s no fluoride or anything else added to it.

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  6. The packaging really is deceiving! I would have thought it was an energy drink or very strong mixed drink. I rarely drink anything other than water and coffee but I do enjoy the occasional lemonade sparkling water.

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    1. I’m developing a taste for (slightly) sweet tea now that we live in South Carolina. Next thing you know I’ll be sporting a southern accent 🙂

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  9. I can remember using those packets of Crystal Light at work to make my multiple glasses of water a day more palatable! The makers of Hint Water do a lot of advertising on the radio station I listen to. I’ve never heard of this brand “Liquid Death” – where have I been Dave? I’d equate it as something to wash down those lethal chips that were taken off the market when a child died from some TikTok challenge to eat spicy chips and not drink water to wash them down. Although in my defense, since I work from home, I’m drinking my own water here at the house and rarely carry a water bottle with me in Summer when on a long walk, although I sure wished I had it the time I got lost for hours in a large wooded area on a hot August day. I found your sentence “The average person has thirty-five “beverage occasions” a week” interesting. I stopped drinking the eight glasses of water a day as I’d have to force myself to drink it and sometimes I’d just stare at it knowing I just couldn’t down one more glass. 🙂

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    1. My mother-in-law loves the Hint brand but she’s paying through the nose for a product that’s essentially water. But I suppose if it gets her to drink more (esp. in high/dry Colorado, where water is a must) I shouldn’t criticize. Awful story about the spicy chip challenge; I hope the cause of death turns out to be something else. My wife has gotten better about spreading her water out over the day, but she used to try to catch up in the evening, then pay the price by having to get up in the middle of the night 🙂

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      1. Now I read health reports that too much water is bad for you – there is often no happy medium. I used to do the same thing as your wife. I took the bus to work, so I’d have to have a cut-off point during the day because what if the bus didn’t show up or broke down on the way home? 🙂

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    1. It would’ve been interesting to price LD per ounce against standard brands. I’m guessing it’s a little (not a lot) more just to be able to sport that wild-looking can.

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    1. The WordPress setting dramatically reduces spam and hacking attempts on my blog. I think the comments close two or three weeks after the post is published. Yes, that post is near/dear to my heart. Apparently it showed in what I had to say.

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      1. Sorry to hear you’ve had so much of that. That makes sense. I haven’t been blogging as long, but I do require approval of comments from new people. It’s too bad we have to be vigilant.

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  13. Never heard of Liquid Death either. That’s some clever marketing! We drink filtered water here at home; bottled when we’re on the road. Not a big fan of either–prefer to flavor mine with herbal tea. Does that count?!

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    1. Flavored with herbal tea? That’s a new one on me, Nancy, but I’ll probably give it a try before I ever spend money on Liquid Death 🙂

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  14. I knew about Liquid Death they have a robust advertising campaign. I didn’t know that the average person has 35 “beverage occasions” per week. Now you know I’m going to be keeping tabs on myself. Sorry you couldn’t find any plain old water.

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    1. The tap water at our beach house isn’t great so it’s no wonder I find things like Liquid Death in the frig. And I’m trying to decide if the 35 occasions is too many or not enough. Actually, sounds about right if I’m any example.

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  15. Nice. Never heard of Liquid Death or it’s not available in the EU, at least I haven’t seen it. Those energy drinks have sooo much sugar. Nowadays I bring a water bottle with me and fill it up at the water fountain in the airport. So far all the airports I’ve travelled (with the exception of the ones in Thailand) have one. Not sure how clean the water is from those fountains, so far so good.

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    1. I need to get in the habit of bringing my water bottle with me when I travel. Otherwise I’m buying expensive products like Liquid Death when I can fill up at the water fountain for free 🙂

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  16. Liquid Death is something I have never noticed. I wonder if someone could sue the company for misleading labeling? 🙂

    Years ago, coolers at family gatherings were heavy on beer and soft drinks. Now there are a few of those and lots of water.

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  17. After I wrote this post I wandered down the drinks aisle in our local market and sure enough, there was Liquid Death, waiting patiently to be purchased. I’m sure half the people who see it think it belongs several aisles down with the alcohol!

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