Power of the Purse

On a daylong trip to the shopping mall last week, my wife excused herself from my daughter and me and disappeared into a Kate Spade boutique. Forty-five minutes later she emerged with a purse, proudly declaring her new tote to be “discounted on top of the sale price”. As I’ve learned over many years of marriage, buying a new purse is a big deal for women, akin to slipping into the leather seat of a new sedan. After all, her purse is in hand almost as much as her smartphone.

The Kate Spade “Flower Jacquard Stripe Faye Medium Satchel”

If you’re a guy, don’t ever, EVER make the following statement about a purse: It’s just a bag.  When I was a young and naive husband, it took me several bags – er, purses – to realize a) a new one will always be on the near horizon, and b) a purse contains the very essence of a woman’s life.   There’s a lot in there and a lot going on in there – stuff we guys are better off not knowing about. Kind of like the women’s restroom.

In our defense, we guys can only relate from the perspective of the pedestrian wallet.  Our “purse” is a whole lot smaller, stored out of sight versus over the shoulder, and designed to hold a minimum of essentials.  In these terms, wallets and purses could be considered polar opposites.  Not to suggest bigger is better, mind you.

My style of “purse”

My wife’s purse has countless zips, snaps, buttons, and hidden compartments, each of which she designates for specific items.  She’ll go “here” for a pen, “over here” for some loose change, “out here” for the car keys, and “right here” for lip balm.  And I’m not even talking about the main space.  When you open the main pocket of a purse, it’s a dark, cavernous void suggesting a passageway to another world.  I don’t venture in there very often – usually just to help myself to a little of my wife’s “cash stash”- and then I always get caught.  No… no… not red-handed but rather after the fact, because I don’t put things back exactly as I found them.  My wife knows precisely how her purse is laid out, so I can never deny her accusation of, “HEY!!! Have you been in here?”

Every now and then my wife goes fishing for a something in her purse and can’t find that something.  This process is a joy to behold from the safe distance of the kitchen table.  She knows whatever she’s looking for is in there somewhere; it just won’t surface.  So she fishes and fishes to no avail.  Sometimes she’ll resort to pulling out half of her stuff just to see what’s underneath.  Other times her hand goes in so deep, half her arm disappears.  With this in mind, I should know better than to go into my wife’s purse.  I mean, there could be a wild animal in there!

When my wife moves into a new purse, it’s another process worth my witness.  Everything comes out of the old bag (darn it all, Dave… PURSE!) and piles up on the counter.  Then almost everything goes back into the new one (in exactly the same places).  What’s left behind on the counter could fill the shelves of a curiosity shop. Ancient starlight mints. Expired gift cards. Pens from businesses we’ll never use. Faded receipts. And photos so old, you can’t help but say about the person, “Man, didn’t they look great back then?”

A wallet is a wallet, but a “purse” – in more technical terms – is a shoulder, satchel, sling, quilted, clutch, minaudiere, hobo, wristlet, beach, or even, yes, “wallet”.  I’m sure the list goes on from there.  As for size, my wife’s satchel preference probably rates an “M” on a purse scale of XS/S/M/L/XL.  Too big to hold in the hand but too small to double as a changing room.  She’s tried a few times go bigger or smaller but inevitably returns to “just right”.  Goldilocks would’ve approved.

Little “Louis Vuitton”
Look closely…

My wife’s birthday is this Sunday.  If you read last week’s post you know I hinted at a rather expensive gift for her.  Instead, I think I’ve found something a little more affordable.  A purse, of course (don’t tell!)  It’s a yellowish-green Louis Vuitton, in the style of a handbag, with the bold pattern of the designer’s signature initials.  Gorgeous.  Admittedly, I have two concerns.  One, the bag (PURSE!) runs $69,000 USD.  Two, it measures 0.03″ wide, or barely visible to the human eye.  Yep, we’re talking an XXXXXXXXXXS from a 3D printer here, with it’s size described as “grain of salt” or “eye of needle”. It’s almost worth the cost just to see my wife try to move into it.

Some content sourced from the CNN Style article, “Handbag ‘smaller than a grain of salt’ sells for $63,000”.

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Author: Dave

Five hundred posts would suggest I have something to say… This blog was born from a desire to elevate the English language, highlighting eloquent words from days gone by. The stories I share are snippets of life itself, and each comes with a bonus: a dusted-off word I hope you’ll go on to use more often. Read “Deutschland-ish Improvements” to learn about my backyard European wish list. Try “Slush Fun” for the throwback years of the 7-Eleven convenience store. Or drink in "Iced Coffee" to discover the plight of the rural French cafe. On the lighter side, read "Late Night Racquet Sports" for my adventures with our latest moth invasion. As Walt Whitman said, “That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” Here then, my verse. Welcome to Life In A Word.

19 thoughts on “Power of the Purse”

  1. Great post, Dave!
    My Louis Vuitton story: we were on a bus tour that took us to Venice. There were street vendors in the wharf area and one of the ladies ‘scored’ the handbag purchase of a lifetime – the Louis Vuitton she longed for at an amazingly low price. She was sure it wasn’t a knock-off. I didn’t have the heart to point out to her that the label said “Ouis Vuitton”.

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    1. Italy has that reputation, Margy (or at least it did when I was in college). You could find “versions” of any of the luxury name brands – for cheap!

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  2. I rarely comment about my wife’s purse – one of the reasons behind my long life so far, but she has a habit of leaving it restaurants, coffee shops, church, etc … so I am known to often ask, “Where’s your purse.” to avoid the long drive back to where ever she left it.

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    1. My wife has one of those “purse hangers” that allows her purse to dangle from the restaurant dining table. Vastly increases her chances of leaving it behind 🙂

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  4. Just when you think you’ve seen it all there is a LV microscopic purse! This post made me chuckle, lucky for Jon and I am not a purse gal. I have a tiny Kate spade that fits my wallet, phone, mini light for my food pics, and that’s about it. My old work bag was quite the disaster you were describing though.

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    1. I’m not surprised to hear you have a “tiny” purse, Lyssy, especially after reading about your trip to Europe with carry-on luggage 🙂

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  7. Amazing how much for that purse Dave – yikes! I used to buy purses/bags back when I worked on site after I joined the workforce after college. So, there were different fun or fabric purses for Summer but I resorted to my Stone Mountain leather purse for Winter – you could not destroy those Stone Mountain bags and they actually looked better a little worn and “broken in”. I used to have a fabric gizmo with pockets that you used to transfer the purse contents from one purse to another … now that I’ve worked from home since 2011, I head out in a fanny pack, not fancy or even stylish.

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    1. Linda–another thing you and I have in common: a fabric gizmo with pockets for transferring purse contents from one purse to another! Must be a “family” trait: we like things organized! Mine doubles as a momento–purchased at a gift shop in our favorite place for R & R when we lived in FL: St. Augustine.

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      1. You’re right Nancy – we have had lots in common, not just the name factor either. I think I wore my fabric gizmo out eventually but it was great … just pull it out of one purse into another one. Since I have worked from home since 2011, I don’t even carry a purse and I only use a fanny pack and can keep the compact digital camera, keys, phone all strapped on and that’s wherever I go in Summer – the rest of the year, I use my coat pockets.

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  8. Oh my, how familiar this is. Especially those times when Marianne goes digging for that item we both know is in there, but that seems to have disappeared. I have suggested more than once that she must buy her purses from Magician’s Supply Co., the way things disappear and reappear at random.

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  9. Delightful humor here, Dave! It would seem I don’t fit the normal profile of a purse-carrying woman, preferring instead to keep the thing small and lightweight. The disadvantage is, I’m not as well prepared for every eventuality as my “sisters” are with their large, roomy totes or hobo bags. My solution: keep another bag in the car with all THAT stuff!

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    1. I like your strategy, Nancy. My wife carries so much in her purse I sometimes hold it for her just to give her a break from the weight. Seems to me 75% of her things could stay in the car for very infrequent needs.

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