Seaweed Sarge

With the U.S. Memorial Day holiday in the rear view mirror, the 2023 summer season is officially upon us. According to surveys from American Express Travel, sun-and-fun seekers prefer New York City, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles this year. Las Vegas raises an eyebrow (after all, summer in Sin City is broiler-setting hot) but notice something else: Florida didn’t make the top three. Maybe – no, probably – it’s because Seaweed Sarge is already wreaking havoc on the Sunshine State’s beaches.

Miami Beach

If you don’t know Seaweed Sarge, it’s because 1) you deliberately avoid the news these days – an increasingly popular trend – or 2) like me, you need a more creative label for sargassum, because it’s a weird name for the seaweed intent on taking over the world.  Sarge is a little intimidating, if only for his size.  Picture him as a belt of algae 5,000 miles long (I can’t picture anything 5,000 miles long, can you?)  Now consider: Sarge will double in size by July, the peak of his “bloom season”.

Sargassum

Sargassum is a particularly annoying form of seaweed.  It’s rootless, which means it can reproduce while simply floating around on the ocean’s surface.  Its rapid growth is bolstered by nutrients leached into rivers and oceans from land-based agriculture.  Once it makes shore sargassum rots immediately, releasing irritating hydrogen sulfide and the stench of rotten eggs.  And trying to remove countless tons of seaweed begs the question: where the heck do you put it all?

Florida’s gonna have to figure out the answer to that last question, and fast.  Sarge is already littering beaches from Ft. Lauderdale to Key West and we’re just getting started.  Come July and August it’ll be virtually impossible to walk along the shoreline.

Ft. Lauderdale

My own visits to the beach have been blissfully Sarge-free.  Most of my sun-and-fun takes place in San Diego, far from Sarge’s primary Atlantic Ocean residence.  The only real nuisances on San Diego beaches are the occasional jellyfish or stingray, and a once-in-a-blue-moon shark sighting (which stirs up more anxiety than actual sightings).  Admittedly, Sarge washes ashore in San Diego as well, but mostly just here and there as a remnant of off-shore harvesting.  Seaweed does have its upsides, in foods, medicines, and fertilizers.

Ironically, I have fond memories of Sarge as a kid.  He’s built with giant flappy leaves reminiscent of a mermaid’s fishtail.  He’s got countless air sacs to keep him afloat, which make a popping sound as satisfying as squeezing bubble wrap.  If I’d thought to take pictures back in the day, I could show you Sarge as an adornment to many a childhood sand castle.

It’s time for robots

An army of beach tractors could work all summer in South Florida and barely make a dent in Sarge.  The seasonal maintenance of the single half-mile beach in Key West alone is in the millions of dollars.  But a better solution may be in play.  A prototype robot has been designed to do battle at sea.  “AlgaRay” cruises slowly through the water, hooking tons of Sarge’s strands in a single pass.  Once at capacity, AlgaRay drags Sarge underwater to a depth where all of those air sacs explode.  No longer buoyant, Sarge sinks to the ocean floor; a “watery grave” if you will.  AlgaRay has been likened to a weed-eating Pac-Man or a vacuuming Roomba.  Either image works for me.

Let’s have one more look at those tourist surveys.  One in ten say they’d cancel or reschedule a trip to Florida if they knew Sarge was coming ashore.  Maybe that explains why landlocked Las Vegas ranked #2 on this summer’s most popular U.S. destinations.  Not that Vegas doesn’t have its own threats.  Three years ago a swarm of locusts descended on the Strip, blotting out casino windows and streetlights.  An annual migration of tarantulas passes by in the surrounding desert.  So take your pick: hordes of flying/crawling bugs or a giant mass of inanimate algae.  Maybe Sarge isn’t so bad after all.

Some content sourced from the NPR.org article, “Giant blobs of seaweed are hitting Florida…”

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Author: Dave

Five hundred posts would suggest I have something to say… This blog was born from a desire to elevate the English language, highlighting eloquent words from days gone by. The stories I share are snippets of life itself, and each comes with a bonus: a dusted-off word I hope you’ll go on to use more often. Read “Deutschland-ish Improvements” to learn about my backyard European wish list. Try “Slush Fun” for the throwback years of the 7-Eleven convenience store. Or drink in "Iced Coffee" to discover the plight of the rural French cafe. On the lighter side, read "Late Night Racquet Sports" for my adventures with our latest moth invasion. As Walt Whitman said, “That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” Here then, my verse. Welcome to Life In A Word.

20 thoughts on “Seaweed Sarge”

    1. It’s a good point, Margy. Sarge has been showing up this time of year for many years now. He’s just gotten big enough (and annoying enough) to be noticed. Maybe whatever cycle he’s on is best left undisturbed.

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  2. I have to go to Florida in July for a bachelorette party… Rosemary Beach a classy area near Panama City Beach. I’m not a beach girl because the sun just scorches me, so now I have even less desire to go haha

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    1. Yes, I think the intimidation factor with the locusts is in their sheer numbers. Same with the tarantulas; maybe not so pleasant to look at but relatively harmless.

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  4. What they need is to go to Las Vegas and find a grasshopper that loves to eat sarge. Then the beaches will be clear of the nasty weed. I figure seagulls will eat the dead grasshoppers. I’m still working on who will deal with the millions of extra seagulls flying to Florida …

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    1. Whoa, you just created a (partial) circle of life! I like that solution, Andrew; feels like we’re not messing with nature as much as we would with an army of robot AlgaRays.

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  6. Sargassum creeps me out. I get that it’s seaweed and that usually doesn’t bug me, but the entire quantity of sargassum gives me pause. In the same way that when you’re in Vegas there really isn’t any naturally occurring water around, which I find slightly worrying. My point? I’m not going to FL or NV on vacation this year.

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    1. Speaking of water, Ally, I’m reading where Phoenix is now stopping already-permitted new construction because the city no longer has the water resource to support the growth. That’s a new headline on me, and scarier than any amount of seaweed, spiders, or buzzing insects.

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      1. Is that right? I’ve been to Phoenix and like Vegas the water situation made me edgy. Living out that way I’d be constantly anxious, and covered in sunblock 24/7!

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  7. Well, I learned something Dave as I thought this “Seaweedapalooza” was something new and I admit I’ve not read up on it, but instead just gawked at the photos and I cannot imagine anyone wanting to get near the water, even for boating. I can remember a Florida friend posting pics of Red Tide. We get the algae bloom when we have day after day of hot and humid weather with no rain or wind to stir up the water. Though we are just coming off a very hot week of weather, the water has no green gook … yet. They will warn against going in the water when there is algae bloom. I must admit the world is a scary place – if not crime, weather-related oddities, but an annual migration of tarantulas passing through the desert or locusts descending on Las Vegas would have me not only running for cover but Googling out-of-town realtors to get out of Dodge ASAP.

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    1. There’s nothing so annoying as swimming in the ocean and getting your legs tangled in a big mass of seaweed. And that’s just normal amounts, not Sarge. Were I to take the traveler survey I’d agree; Sarge would discourage any plans to vacation in Florida. If I can’t have a fairly clean walk and swim, I’d rather not go.

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      1. In Detroit they closed the Belle Isle Beach over the weekend – Saturday was very hot. The news media publicized it was closed due to high bacteria levels and people went in anyway. I guess they should have had a lifeguard to dissuade those non-believers.

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  8. You have given me one more reason to not go to an ocean beach this year. We have found a pretty good substitute on the shores of Lake Michigan. I wonder if they are suffering from this too. I hope not.

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